A Good Goodbye from a Broken Heart that Still Beats


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Struggling to find clarity after this painfully heart breaking and devastating loss, one that has touched so many people, I’d been unable to come to terms with my grief these past 13days, but my Mother offered me some very sage words. Until her insightful thoughts began to roll around in my head and directed my own thoughts, I couldn’t even bear to listen to his incredible voice; something I had done routinely every single day over the past 3 years and often for the past 17, but what she had to say made sense, she called it her “Aha” moment after a few sleepless nights of worrying about me as I’ve been dealing with an illness for months that combined with the loss of my Mentor and Hero has left me drained …She said after hearing my words these past several years of respect, admiration and love for such an incredibly beautiful soul, that she believed if he realized just how much grief and pain he caused all of the lives he helped change by finding his own peace, he would be incredibly sad…, in fact we should celebrate his life, and respect that he worked tirelessly for many years knowing he struggled for a very long to time to stay here and do so much for the millions of people who found comfort in his voice and who reached out to him through their pain and he in turn reached out to us at every concert and every M&G, every LP Venue and event, every charity, fundraiser, and space where we gathered to be near him, to all of us the world over.
Not everyone can carry that load the way he did. He wore his heart where anyone could see it scars and all, and its why he is so very missed by all of us. So today I honored Chester and celebrated his life, along with my Mom’s as it was her 71st birthday. I cried less today. I listened to his voice, and although I was teary eyed for most of it, I found myself smiling. I scrolled through all the memories on the new twitter page at ChesterB4 with the audio on and continued to feel small smiles push at my lips, because his voice still fills me with a genuine gratitude for all he’s gifted to me owing to the incredibly talented and compassionate and unconditionally loving man that he was. Those gifts I will keep and grow in my heart. I was one of the fortunate ones who was privileged to meet Chester and the rest of Linkin Park. To feel his beautiful spirit as he walked into the room, to be touched by his genuine humbleness, his openness, his compassion and his big heart as we engaged in conversation with the offering of a letter and a bracelet I had made, to be given the opportunity to say thank you to him in person for what his sharing of his own tremendous challenges from childhood through adulthood, addiction, separation and losses, battles with depression and self-esteem, those messages combined with his incredibly passionate vocals as he exorcised his personal demons each night on stage in front of the world, and his indelible courage to fight through it all helped to instill hope in me, giving me the courage to fight my inner demons, rise up & reclaim my life when nothing else could lead me to finding my way back, and to draw so much strength from that… from him … it was an experience I will truly cherish and never forget. That he took a few extra moments with me, signed two of my personal prints of a painting I’d done of the band, slipped away to read the letter before returning to continue on with the Meet & Greet line, and wore that bracelet for multiple concerts & M&Gs…that meant more to me then I can ever put into words. I want to thank Mike, Brad, Dave, Joe & Rob for finding that missing link that created the magic called Linkin Park, for knowing it was Chester, for being a constant in his life as much as mine over the years during troubled times. For having the patience, love and understanding they did & still do for their brother and bandmate, and for their fans, and for trusting their instincts when it came to the music they have continued to make and share with us over all these past 19years. This too I will keep in my heart, and show gratitude for. I miss you Chester, all the funny, insane, heart-warming, smile inducing, gut wrenching, pain releasing, scream at the top of your lungs, show stopping, riser jumping, crowd engaging, endearingly Chester moments you have shared with us. Thank you for all of it. I am holding on to hope in my heart that you have found your much deserved peace and you can rest at last, that your beautiful family and band brothers will be able to keep your light in their hearts too as they heal and make peace with your passing, and that in the next lifetime, I’ll cross paths with your beautiful light again. Until that time arrives, Thank You Chester for sharing your strength and offering your guidance to a world who found it and you incredibly comforting . You will always be the voice of generations. Our Champion.
So Much Endless Love & Respect ~Eve