LMAO. Maybe I should try a new personal project. A stove made entirely of 8th gen i7s.
Quick update. I’ve tidied up the OP a bit by adding separator lines between relevant sections. I’ve also finally come up with a name for the topic that I had left to you guys to name. The name is WARNING! Side effects include but are not limited to: crushing realisations. In other news, I’m writing Inferno right now and I’m planning on writing as many of the others as I can tomorrow. Inferno should be out at some point this evening.
Looking forward to it
Sweet. Can’t wait to read it.
Time for Entry 4. I’ll be honest, I’m not too happy with this one, I’d say it’s my weakest one so far (and one of the shortest too), but I suppose you guys are the final judges. Anyway, here it is…
Entry 4: Inferno
Entry 4: Inferno
Summer, the season of sun, warmth, light and parties, right? Wrong! For me summer is a season of misery. Don’t worry you’re not getting déjà vu, for those of you with short term memory loss, that was a short extract from entry 1. I said that a justification for my almost unreasonable hatred of summer is worth of its own entry. And, well, here it is. You already know what sort of hardships I’m subjected to in the torture chamber during summer, so this will focus on everything outside of that.
The worst thing about summer is easily the sun, it and it alone is the root of all evil. Throughout time and around the world there have been numerous civilisations that have worshiped the sun. Even today, the sun is seen as a source of joy and positivity. Well, I’m here to tell you that all those sun worshipers were almost certainly Satanists. It’s because of the sun that summer is so woeful. If it wasn’t for the sun, there wouldn’t be searing heat, I wouldn’t get 3rd degree burns and skin cancer every time I stepped outside, there wouldn’t be crowds everywhere and I won’t be kept entertained in the car by the sound of my arse sizzling away on the seats. Let’s not forget, it’s supposedly an inferno down in hell. Summer is the annual taste of hell on Earth.
Summer heat is probably the second most aggravating aspect of summer. Several things happen when it’s hot out. There’s crowds of people everywhere, I can’t find a single quiet place, not outdoors and not indoors. That’s especially annoying when I want to drive Banshee in parks, it’s usually full of dogs and road Nazis (cyclists). Everywhere I go it’s noisy with everyone barging into me. You also start to sweat like a whore in church if you’re outside for more than 10 mins, that then means you’re always thirsty and must carry 3L of water with you at all times. In my case, when I’m outside, I’m usually walking with a backpack. That means that I end up with an enormous sweat patch on my back where the bag was that takes at least three hours to dry. I’m almost certain that I’ve developed conditioned sweating, I end up sweating in the exact same place on my back with or without my bag (and it’s always in the shape of the padding on the bag). So, at this point you might be wondering why I don’t just stay inside. Inside can be just as bad, because you don’t just deal with the heat (houses in the UK don’t typically have aircon), but the light too.
I’m not for a moment suggesting that the light isn’t a problem outside, it’s just more annoying inside. Outside it only cooks your head and boils your eyes (even through sunglasses), I once measured my hair to be 60C after walking in direct sun for ten minutes. When you’re inside, the light not only cooks you, but usually reflects from shiny surfaces, cooks your furniture (so you can’t sit on it) and most annoyingly stops you from seeing any screen you happen to be looking at, whether it be your TV, PC or something else. You can’t see jack, only a white haze and reflections of stuff that’s in the room with you. Of course, the obvious solution would be to draw the curtains, but keep in mind, this is summer. I usually have the windows open, so I can’t draw the curtains unless I want them to be sucked out of the window or unless I want to close the windows and boil.
The light also plays dirty in cars too. Too many times have I gotten in the car only to jump straight out again while clutching desperately at my arse and growling in pain. Why? Because the blasted black leather seats have been cooking in the sun and have gotten to 75C. Sitting back down and toughing out the pain only results in more misery as when I get out of the car I have two massive sweat patches that make it look like I’ve been sitting in a puddle. And if I’m lucky, I’ll have blue legs too from the dye that my jeans have leaked into my legs. Luckily, I don’t wear jeans when I can, unluckily, my shorts died last month, and I haven’t found a good replacement, so I’m stuck with jeans for now.
That was a quick look over the main sources of torment in summer, I didn’t go fully in-depth because that would make this entry way too long, but suffice it to say, summer really is an inferno…and I live in the UK! To me anything over 20C is hot. I am not built for even mildly hot weather, and as a result, I will suffer for 25% of my life. So, if I live for 80 years, 20 of those would be spent being tormented by summer alone…let that sink in. You now have my permission to pity me.
Another enjoyable read .
I fit into this category though , and I actually love summer. Im built for the heat man, winter kills me.
This made me laugh out loud . Love the way you descibe these situations
I can’t put a like on this one because summer IS my favourite season…
The other ones were more interesting… this one doesn’t have the same “funny-effect” on me like the others did… But it’s not as bad as you said, so keep it going!
The way you said it is pure gold!!
LMAO You voted for this.
Yeah, it’s a sort of middle-of-nowhere entry. Wasn’t sure how to make it funny, nor could I make it sound like a real problem.
I didn’t know what it was about! It’s a generic title, didn’t know you meant it literally
I asked you before, but what did you think the topic of Inferno would be?
I thought it was something related to your projects/uni/ idiot people… Because you talked a bit about summer, so I thought in something different…
But that was entry 2. lol
I agree with you Rob that it wasn’t as good as your previous ones just being honest I really felt sorry for you in the other ones no offense but still a great explation way summer is truly the worst season
Yeah. I should be back on track with the other ones.
If it is, it’s completely accidental. What would it be referencing specifically?
‘‘You now have my permission to die’’
LOL. I don’t even remember that line.
I love reading your stories please tag me on future ones!