Entry 9 is ready, if it wasn’t blatantly obvious, I was pretty pissed off writing this one. At one point I said some not-so-nice things about Americans. Americans reading this, don’t take it personally. This entry is obviously about my acute misanthropy.
Entry 9: Excuses for misanthropy
Entry 9: Excuses for misanthropy
Why are people so loathe-able? Well, to answer my own question, it’s, because the mass populace is a swirling mass of stupidity, ignorance and incompetence. To be honest, I don’t need to come up with excuses for misanthropy, because sometimes it is so obviously justified. But I’m going to do it anyway because I’d have nothing to write for the next few paragraphs.
I’m going to dispense with the waffle and get straight to the first group of ‘people’ I loathe. NFL fans, up until a week ago, they weren’t even on my radar, they were just something for me to laugh at occasionally. That all changed last Sunday when I had to change trains at Wembley Park station. For some genius reason, some retard had decided that hosting an NFL championship in the UK is an excellent idea. I’ll tell you just how excellent it is, you try getting through a drove of fat, useless, stupid, fucking, retarded, drunken, mindless, slack-jawed, mouth breathing Americans. These fuckwits make regular rowdy football (actual football) fans look like model citizens. The crowd was so bad that the station had to be temporarily shut to ease the congestion. I nearly drowned in blubber that evening, they stampeded in the moment the train doors opened, not even giving a chance to the people trying to get off. I then had to barge through all of them to get to the other platform, as I was doing so, not one of the oafs made even a slight attempt to make some space, and they all smelled like they’d drank 5L of beer (because they probably had). The whole thing looked like an evacuation scene in a zombie film. Americans, please, just don’t travel anywhere, please stay ignorant and stick to ruining your own country.
The next bunch of idiots are the majority of people on public transport, especially on the underground. The behaviours that drive me insane are ones that stem from a lack of common sense. Such as idiots that put their dirty feet up on the seats that people will use later. Or the douches that put their bags on seats which could be taken by standing people. By far the most annoying behaviours involve the train doors, both when getting on and off. When getting on, the idiots that stand at the doors drive me insane, especially when the doors start closing and they see me running to get in, but don’t move out of the way inside, so the doors end up clamping my bag (with that being said, I feel sorry for the doors that clamp my bag as they will lose that fight). Getting off is even more irritating though, I usually tend to be the first at the door because I want to bolt out and avoid the crowd. As the train pulls up I’m scanning all the people on the platform and planning my route for when the doors open. It boils my blood when the train pulls up and all the twats outside converge on the centre of the door, because I have nowhere to go and I have to instantly recalculate. But by far the worst, is when I don’t manage to be first at the door and I’m second or third because there were already people there. It’s annoying because they stand there as if they’re rushing to get out and then dawdle along while holding everyone up. This is the worst when I’m actually running late because of the train (stay tuned for the next entry).
The final group of imbeciles is the one with all the idiots that can’t even walk properly. When I’m walking my mind is always running like a computer, I’m always calculating the best route through and around people, how to best match my speed to what’s happening, always paying attention to what’s happening around me, anticipating things before they even happen and adapting pre-emptively. My mind is never at rest, that’s why I can weave and squeeze through the tightest crowds (other than that hoard of Americans) at lightning speeds, because I can see things before they happen, and I calculate for them.
This cannot be said for other people, as it turns out, other people have no spatial awareness at all, they have no concept of what is going on around them and they can’t get on the same line of thought as me when they see me coming the other way and it’s clear what my intentions are. This shows in the way they walk, whether they just get in my way or don’t realise that I’ve been walking 30cm behind them for the last 5 mins trying to get past. This is exactly the sort of stuff my dad rages about on the roads. How hard can it be to walk around without being a spanner? The arrogant bitches with the prams have earned themselves a dishonourable mention here. You know exactly the ones I’m on about. The ones that are coming the other way, you move over to the side and expect them to also move over a bit, because there’s usually enough space for both of you to pass comfortably, but instead they go right down the middle and either push you into a hedge or into the road. If there isn’t space, what are you doing in the tight bit first, you clown? Let them through first. Tools buried in their phones need to be briefly mentioned too. Get off your fucking phone and look where you’re going, others shouldn’t have to walk stupid lines because of you! If you really need to text, go off the side somewhere, stop, text and then carry on.
Recently my misanthropy has shot through the roof, to the point where I’m wishing death on random people for the smallest of things. Obviously not towards friends, but mainly when I’m on public transport or walking through town. If you were a random person this week and you did something as minor as walking too slowly in front of me, I probably fantasised about ripping your eyes out with my bare hands, shoving you into a combine harvester and feeding your useless remains to pigs and then making bacon from said pigs, you stupid fuck!
I’m not sure when the last entry will be released. But it might be either the end of next week or the week after.