The following is from JUST released Part II book! If you still reading Part I you may not want to read this.
Linkin Park – Easier To Run 3:24
It made Tomas think though. Doubt, would be better expression. About life, his choices so far. Regrets raised. Vicious cycle of his lately life: –> look back –> regret –>stabilize –> look back, repeat. ‘Very feminine trait’. He hated it. Not because it is feminine, but because he’s a man and acts feminine. The volatility of his. Only beneath the surface though. He never expressed his problems on the outside, his unhappiness or “victim-hood” feeling. ‘He’s no goddamn victim! Problems will be solved (by him). Unhappiness is a choice, and no one else needs to be burdened by that. Such is the duty of every man. You don’t create drama, you solve it! You face whatever needs to be faced.’ Although it wasn’t always easy for him to hide it. On that day, Mike had noticed.
Mike: ‘You Ok T?’
Tomas: ‘I’m fine, why?’ In very assertive voice.
M: ‘Nothing, just wonder what’s on your mind, did you think about what I said?’
T: ‘I’m not running away Mike, my choices brought me here to this place. I have no regrets. I wouldn’t have met you otherwise, for which I’m grateful. More importantly, I can win, nothing is lost.’
M: ‘No regrets at all? So, if you had a chance to do your life all over again, would you still do exactly the same?’
T: ‘Of course not, I’m not an idiot, there is no point on insisting doing the same mistakes all over again, once you recognize that it was a mistake. If I could change, I would! If I could retrace every wrong move I made, I would! But there is no point on dwelling on things that you can’t change. Like, your past. Regret is a negative feeling, negativity never helps. If I can’t change why I have the regret anymore, it’s time to move on!’ He paused momentarily.
T: ‘Yeah, saying I have no regrets It’s more a metaphor than true. I do have regrets, but those can’t be healed anymore. Things that had caused them in the past, can’t be changed anymore. So no, I have no regrets, because I do my best to fix what can be fixed. What more can I ask of myself to have peace of mind?’
M: ‘But you don’t have peace of mind, do you?’
T: ‘Only because I’m not strong enough!’ Tomas lashed out at Mike. This has surprised him a lot, first sight of “weakness” that Tomas ever expressed. He was always so calm, and collected before.
M:’This has obviously bother you for longer time now, why didn’t you say anything before?’
T: ‘Yeah, is much easier to just express your unhappiness and burden others by it, than taking action or consideration to what it may do to others.’
M:’It’s no burden to me, I will help you if I can.’
T: ‘You helped me enough Mike, but with all due respect, you can’t help with this.’
M: ‘Not if we don’t talk about it.’ Mike never expected that would happen, knowing Tomas as an introvert person when it comes to talking about his problems, but it was worth a shot.
T: ‘My logic is sound, it tells me I should stop dwelling on the past. I know I should, but sometimes I simply can’t. There is a lot of things that I’m ashamed of.’
M: ‘You have nothing to be ashamed of Tomas, you have been a victim of your circumstances.’
The new part II book has been just launched. Should you want to support my work, please consider buying it at: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tomas-Cudzis-Struggle-tice-Truth-ebook/dp/B07C2KSD3M/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1523358180&sr=8-2&keywords=tomas+cudzis&dpID=517nu05nufL&preST=SY445_QL70&dpSrc=srch
P.S. I also have now working patreon -> https://www.patreon.com/user?alert=2