I just don't know anymore


#1

So I’m here looking for advice, I think I might be transgender or non binary or something. It’s confusing because it’s like I have major body dysphoria about my chest and I’ve been think of getting a binder, but I didn’t really know were to get a good quality one. I also don’t really know if it would work because I have a large chest size…And I don’t know how to tell my parents about it.
I don’t think I’ll tell my father because him and his girlfriend can be real mean to me about things like that,
And I want to tell my mother but I don’t know what to say?
I just came out as Bi like 5 months ago and I don’t want to seem like I just want attention or anything like that.
I just really don’t know what to do or completely know how I feel…


#2

Ahhhh
Idk how much help I’d be, idk if anyone else wants to chime in but I’d just say appreciate that you’re unique… accept what makes you different and don’t let it knock down your confidence-easier said than done but when it’s things like that you kinda have to worry about yourself I think and not others’ opinions
It’s a hard thing to have to hold onto
I’d say maybe you need advice from another place though :confused: not sure this is the best source for you


#3

It’s a complicated situation this…

As Framos said:

Take care of your body, but not in an excessive way. Think in others, but don’t put them over your happiness. Search help in someone you trust.

I can’t you so much, because I don’t have any experience in that area, but I do hear you and give you my advice…

And welcome to the forum.


#4

First off: Welcome to the forums!

Finding yourself in this crazy world can a be tough and confusing journey. When you feel like you’ve been born in the wrong body it can be even tougher and can be more confusing. Know that you are not alone.

Someone very close to me has gone through the same confusion as you are going through right now. The first step for him, was to learn to accept that he is "different " and that it’s nothing to be ashamed of. He decided to find psychiatric help and he came out to everyone close to him and eventually to everyone else. It was difficult and not everyone understands. But he is slowly becoming himself and seems happier than ever.

He has the luck to be living in an open minded country, and was able to find a Transgender support group in a city nearby. He meets up with this group regularly and it has helped him find answers to his questions.

Perhaps there are similar groups in your area? Or have you tried the online support group: https://www.transgender.support/?


#5

Hey there I know what you’re going through. I’m transgender (ftm) I go by he/him pronouns. Let me just say that he very beginning is very confusing because you feel this way and you don’t really know what to do about it and dysphoria is not fun to have I completely understand cause I get it too. Now if you’re looking for a good binder I suggest you go to amazon and look up gc2b or underworks binders because they are the best ones you can get. Now they are kinda pricey, they can cost 20-80 bucks depending on which one you get. Make sure you measure your chest first though so you know what size to get. Now coming out to your parents is a even harder thing because it’s terrifying I know the feeling. Before coming out to either of them I suggest getting the binder, start calling yourself different pronouns and/or a different name or even have some friends call you different pronouns and name. Maybe do some research on some lgbt websites as well if you want to know more about it. It may take some time and even if you find out that you identify as your birth gender it’s ok and you’re still valid many people feel this way at times. It’s a possibility that you are either nonbinary or even genderfluid. Hope this helped a little and have a wonderful day~Ryan


#6

I don’t think I’m quite trans because parts of my body I’m fine with but with my chest and hair and my name and some time my face is when the dysphoria gets bad


#7

Thank you, your comment was really helpful.


#8

I completely understand where you’re coming from. You might be genderfluid which is where a person feels either masculine, feminine or neither. You’re welcome and I hope this was helpful and have a good day.


#9

Howdy, i may be able to be of some assistance. I came out as gender fluid about 2 years ago. Im born female but have felt like i have been on a gender carousel most of my life. Including feeling male upstairs and female downstairs. :drooling_face:it can be very confusing. I just wanted to say that althogh it can be hard to find info specifically on being mixed gender it is out there if you look for it and it is somewhat normal.

My advice is to remember that it doesn’t matter what label feels right, or if there is even a label that fits (There isn’t really a label for me) it is a process (remembering how you feel now may be different in the future as gender is not inherently static)
Not knowing what to call yourself yet shoulnt get in the road of you experimenting with how you want to express your gender. Play around with it as an experiment so you feel like you have some limited controll with your dysmorphia. The firsr few times you do it you will struggle until you build your skills. I wish someone had have told me just how vulnerable i would feel when i first did it. I grew up as a tough as nails girl and it reduced me to a crying ball in a corner when i first did a gender bend with my hair makeup and clothes and i didnt even leave the house nobody saw me in my new look but i still felt very vulnerable so i would advice doing that stuff when you feel resilliant.

I reccomend doing some biology homework so you understand some terminology and particularly read about breast health. Its easy to get frustrated and desperate and go to hard or too small a binder and hurt yourself. Binding isnt dangerous if done properly. This is doublefold if you are on any medications you don’t want to create lymph drainage issues.

Its also worth thinking about if there is any other reason you might have dysmorphia. Its not uncommon to have more than one reason you have dysmorphic tendencies. Having other things that cause you to feel like you dont belong in your body does NOT invalidate you feeling misgendered no matter who tells you otherwise.for real.

Ill give you an example i have dysmorphia casued by gender dysmorphia, as a hangover from an eating disorder, and also from a dissociative disorder caused by trauma as a kid and they all kind of mingle together. I used to have people tell me that i felt like a different gender because i have a dissociative disorder, or because i was abused which took me a long time to realise that both can be true.
The reason i mention this to you now is if you find out or think about all of the possible reasons you might be feeling dysmorphic it will help you controll the symptoms quicker by giving you a wider set of tools and tricks to apply.

I did a fun thing two years ago and changed my name to Le (sometimes leonie) because it dosent matter what gender i am with that name :grin: im happier than ever now

I have found blogs and youtube videos on androgynous looks to be helpful because it creates a good starting point and those blogs tend to still teach you how to bind, play with makeup to create more masculine features without going full beard lol if you google androgynous you will likely get a good variety of information in where to start taking baby steps

My dream is to be able to run a small makeup clinic for gender benders one day to teach people how to elicit the effect you want. Gotta get well enough to go study first but if i ever get it off the ground you can visit me in brisbane :grin::grinning::grin:

I usually now tell peopke not to use pronouns with me le is as easy as he or she to say and i tell people that im special enough just to use my name instead or he or she. I dont get upset if someone refers to me as he or she by mistake, only if they are emphasizing he or she in an effort to be rude. But if people have to, i tell them to use us/them which works nicely also because of the multiple personality thing for me there really is us inside this body. Lol

Please feel free to message us at any time we are all here to help you !

(Tonights words were brought to you by cherry, one of the subsidiaries of masterLe, enjoy your night folks)


#10

Thank you masterle1! You have known idea how helpful this is to me


#11

Glad it helped :smile: stay in touch im sure you can get support here from many of us while your going thru this, its always a good idea to build a strong support base when you are thinking of coming out to family too…

It took me till i was 25/26 before i came out to anyone including my partner even though he is the definition of supportive.
There is another thread in here u might maybe be interested in too