Linking Park – In Pieces (Radio edit) 3:37
He was almost 22 now, he went to the Honk Kong, China, in a pursuit of “perfection”. Even to him, this was so narcissistic. The fact that he left the ‘love of his life’ for that, he must have been the ‘biggest asshole of them all, and dumb, really dumb’, it dwelled on him for quite a while. Funny enough, he hated “bad boys” / assholes. Also…To make sure that she would let him go and move on, he told her that he doesn’t love her anymore. That she doesn’t turn him on anymore, and he is hoping to start a new life with someone else in the new country. Of course, that broke her heart. Of course, she called him every name possible and he stood there pretending to be indifferent to it. Not even trying the old: ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ He was sure that this way it would make her hurt less. Otherwise, in the long run it would be worse, unable to move on. She really deserved better in his opinion. Better than him, ‘someone who can commit now, not 12 years later,’ he kept thinking. He tried to hurt her, and in the process, he hurt himself even more. But, it was necessary, better that way for everybody. As she turned away in tears and started to run away in disbelief, he wanted to chase her down. Wrap her in his arms and beg for forgiveness. Tell her that it was all lies, a bad joke, that he loves her with his whole soul. ‘Beg, beg for forgiveness and never do this again!’ But he resisted…He was hurt many times before because of his appearance. All the times that he was exposed to verbal abuse, or humiliation, he never cried, always resisted (as a man should, he believed). He couldn’t resist this time. That night he cried in secrecy into his pillow when no one could see, or hear that. He had an image of an asshole to protect after all, so that she could move on. It felt like he probably never would. Couldn’t stop thinking about what she was feeling like. Worried, if she wouldn’t try to hurt herself. Wanted to check up on her, but couldn’t… That would have spoiled everything. ‘No, she is smart girl, she will never do anything that stupid. There will be another guy, as soon as she’s ready.’ Felicity wasn’t dumb as he said. She knew Tomas, she refused to believe what she heard or saw. What Felicity thought was: ‘You are telling me to go, but your hands beg me to stay. Your eyes say that you love, but your lips say that you hate.’ She saw some truth in his lies, the doubt in his actions. She knew very well what was his thinking. That he thinks it’s for the best. But, she knew that there is nothing she could do to change his mind. All she said was: ‘You promised me the sky, and tossed me away like a stone! Ok, I will be the one to leave this in pieces, and you will be alone, ALONE WITH YOUR SECRETS!’ Every time he opened his mouth she said: ’Don’t lie.’ She understood what is going on, and accepted that. But yeah, ‘he’s an asshole, just like all of them!’ His mom was actually happy that he left her, she was scared that he would have kids and get settled too young. She wanted him to go to UK alone and to start earning some proper money first. Little did she know at that time, that there would be no kids from Tomas at all, no more relationships. Something, that she kept asking him about often, 10 to 12 Years later every time they spoke. Wishing for it.
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