July 20, a Year Later (for all to use)


#1

I thought it would be best to create this considering we will all want to share something in one way or another today… hopefully it helps to keep things a little straight and serves as a place in which to gather in if needed-no real directions here other than to express your thoughts, feelings, dedications, whatever it may be that you want to share in regards to today (it’s still the 19th here but already, it’s past midnight on the other side already :slight_smile:

Here’s my part:

I haven’t really prepared something per se for today…whether because I avoided it or because I’ve been doing other things is beyond the point but I do want to at least say my piece on the matter-

I know a lot of times I can’t be taken serious because I’m always screwing around… that’s just who I was before and who i have gone back to being lately …I freely admit that haha but at the same time though, A couple weeks back when @lp13413 put up a balloonia lptv episode, it hit me-Chester was a freaking idiot as well :sweat_smile:
Personally I feel a little validation in being that way because as I’ve alluded to at some point before-a lot of times even humor is a mask for how we’re doing in reality…it’s been my case at certain times and I think it was a lot of times the case with Chester (@DavidZinssler mentioning masks reminded me of this thought too-if you haven’t seen his video, do so :slightly_smiling_face:)
I know it’s counterintuitive in a way to encourage humor as I’ve just said it is partially a mask for what is underneath-i don’t know how healthy it is to do that in reality… but if I had something to say today to everyone it would be to push happiness and love and friendship as much as we can on this day

I know people are hurting to different degrees today-I again freely admit it bothers me but am more…accepting…than most (not @the_terminator status but closer to him lol)- but all the same I know it’s getting to some people to a much stronger level
I know this could possibly even rub some people wrong to have me encouraging an upbeat attitude today
But all the same I’d still push for it because I don’t feel anyone should dive into pain and hurt because of the occurrence of that day one year ago-just one day
I say just one day not to minimize the importance of that one day but because I’d like to push everyone to consider that it was nigh on 20 YEARS that people came to create memories and connections and relationships to that man and those songs! Emotion will dictate a lot of feelings today but why choose to focus on the one day of tragedy as opposed to focusing on every damn time that guy made us crack up, made us smile, and made us forget wherever the damn hell we were at in our lives! That man was a badass for lifting up spirits throughout his life, why should it be any different when we say his memory lives on in his and Linkin Park’s music, in LP soldiers, and in every life he helped out in? Give him due diligence and keep that badass stature alive by looking fondly upon every adventure, memory, joke, emotion and lyric that came through him
The Hollywood bowl concert is proof enough that those nearest him felt this same way, that they felt it would’ve been his wishes to do it that way- CELEBRATE the life of Chester Bennington not commiserate on the life of Chester Bennington,
Again…this is my personal point of view, if it does push the wrong buttons I’ll gladly reevaluate my wording or whatnot-everyone here knows by now that I’d stand by y’all if need be and lend a hand however possible, it’s not my intention to offend at all
I don’t expect to change the overall attitude of this day-but I do hope that it maybe encourages everything I said before, a little positivity, happiness, love, friendship
Make it a point to not just feel sad for how he was taken too soon, make it a point to make Chester proud! Smiles, acts of kindness and solidarity will go further in doing so than will sadness and pain!

I saw this a little while back and go back to the immaturity, light hearted ness and humor Chester had, hopefully it sparks good memories to you as well :slight_smile: (ps language warning haha :stuck_out_tongue:)


#2

I’ll do my best to merge all threads here. Depending on my state of mind, I may be absent a little tomorrow.


#3

Yeah man, no worries-a little clutter is no issue :slightly_smiling_face:
Hang tough alright! We could always use another person to talk to around here too-you’re not just the forum keeper :grin: you oughta be around us too :+1:


#4

It’s 23:52 now in Guatemala. It’s still July 19/07/18. In a few minutes that day will come and honestly I’m empty drom the inside. I don’t feel anything, maybe later the history be other. But for now: Keep Strong.


#5


#6

Sending extra strength to everyone. We will get through this together


#7

I just put my tweet from today in here… I dont have many words to describe how Im feeling today


#8

3rd of July 2017
I’m waking up super excited. My very first Linkin Park concert. I have been counting down for a long time. It’s 6 am, but I am ready to go. Getting to the venue just after 9am and meeting the amazing group of fans ever. That day I didn’t know that I will make friends with some of them for a long long time.
The concert was amazing. I was so close to the stage and when Chester came to sing Crawling just in front of me I just exploded with happiness.
I remember how I cried during Numb. I love this song dearly and it is so close to my heart as I can see myself in the lyrics.
I remember the two girls who got worried about me as I wasn’t feeling well, sweating and just feeling dizzy from emotions and possibly lack of fluids and food.
I went home and I was like, I have to go again! I almost bought the ticket to the next show. But I didn’t. I had work, I had to save up for my dream trip. I said to myself that I will do that next time.

20th of July 2017
It was a good day. I was in my room, Linkin Park just released new video. I was happy. And I started planning my stalking spree when they come and visit. I texted my friend that I will follow them around Europe and will attend all shows.
The comic con schedule just came out and I was making the notes, checking the comment under the video on Facebook. I started defending Chester to people who were saying he didn’t have the voice. He did! I just saw him live! And then the comments started to appear. Chester is dead. He is gone. I didn’t believe them. Not even for a second. But I felt something in my heart.
Then my friend texted me. She sent me a link and before I opened it I started crying. I was a mess. I didn’t want to believe it, I was sending dramatic messages on Twitter begging people to say that it’s just a mistake. Then Mike tweeted and my crying got only worse.
I spent whole night listening to One More Light.
The next day, after two hours of napping, I have decided to gather few people and met up. We did that, but I wanted something bigger.
So there was a memorial, a week later.
It helped me. Organising the memorial was so much work I had no time to sleep or think.

Aftermath
My life changed. A lot.
My depression got worse, I stopped sleeping. I was going on on two hours of sleep. I was a mess. I would never ever thought that death of my idol, my role model, will affect me the way it did. It was bad.
It was so bad that even people who just met me noticed the change in me. I stopped joking, I was silent most of the time. When I went home my parents noticed that I don’t laugh, that I don’t smile and even if I do it’s for a second or I am forcing it. It wasn’t the same laugh or smile.
It took me ages to get back to almost the same me.
I do regret not going to the other concert. But I thought I have time. I told my brother about my regrets and he said „you went to one concert and this concert will be forever special for you. Cherish the memory. If you went again it wouldn’t be that special anymore. So be happy for what you got.”
And I am. I know that I sound selfish as I know that not everyone had the opportunity to see them live. I am very very lucky. My first concert I managed to be that close to the stage and some dumb luck made me stand where I stood. I touched Chester, I am in the video to Crawling. And I’ve met so many people.
I think that it was all meant to be. I think that it was fate that made me change places in the venue, it was fate that my friend texted me she wanted to go and see Linkin Park live.
It was written somewhere in the stars that I will be there and I will be the one to bring people together. And it gives me so much joy to see you all together. To be a part of something incredible that I had some impact in creating it.
I am forever grateful that despite all of that we are here together. And I did promise Chester that I will carry his legacy. And I will. Because I will never break a promise.
And maybe I am not the best writer and maybe I do have problems with sharing my feelings, and maybe I wrote way too long and nobody is reading it anymore, but thank you.
And I just had two year anniversary of my fist suicide attempt. 9th of July 2016 when I tried. Second one is 1st of November 2017. It is hard. It is weird. But I am here to tell the story.

Past year was a rollercoaster. I was down, I was up and down again. But now I have a will to live. For small and big moments. For the unknown.

Today I am not able to listen to LP for a long time. I am going on for weeks without listening. Unfortunately listning to Chester’s voice for a very long time is giving me nightmares or insomnia. I hope that one day I will be able to listen to their music again.

Today I feel like I can’t breathe. I can’t find my breath when I think of you. It’s so painful and I am struggling to move on. I can’t believe it’s been a year.


#9

I still remember this day last year quite vividly. I had come home early from work early and was chilling, like always, in the dining room listening to music with my cousin and flatmates. Then, the tweets and rumours started appearing… I laughed in the beginning but then no one was saying anything and I got scared. I had a knot in my stomach and not long after came Mike’s tweet.

My dad called me about 15min after it was officially announced, I was crying and he didn’t know what to say. He knows how much this band means to me… then friends started texting me asking if it’s true, others were sending condolences. I was in disbelief, it couldn’t be our Chester.

I didn’t sleep that night, was crying for hours and I couldn’t understand why. I was so confused. I knew I loved the band but I couldn’t comprehend why I was hurting so much for someone I didn’t really know. It hit me a few days later why; this man has done so much for people, he helped so many either through his music or his charity work. He was so kind and humble and cared for everyone! This band is family.

First week or two after were rough but eventually I was able to listen and play their music and enjoy it. I’m ok talking about him and recalling memories. I still have occasions where I really miss him and end up being sad or even cry but in the end, I’m happy we had the opportunity to live at a time when he did, he gave us so much!

So, everyone, stay positive, keep making him proud (cause you are) and if you or anyone you know that is hurting and is need of help, please reach out and talk to someone. Let’s end the stigma of mental health!


#10

That’s what I wrote for the video to honoring our dear Chazy… Don’t have many words to add now… just we love you Chester now and for ever! :heart: :heart: :heart:


#11

It so hard to believe that my hero has been gone for a year it feel like forever my heart is still broken. I’ll always miss Chester his voice his smile on his face. Everything about hem. He will always be linkin park and a legend will never die. He will always be in my heart. And soul.


#12

“This is a wound that will definitely not heal :disappointed_relieved:

Dear Chester – Now „In the end“ your body is „Numb“, but you have „No more sorrow“. “Breaking the habit” was difficult for you, but you were always “One step closer”. Your voice will be always “Crawling” on me “From the Inside”, till the day I “Bleed it out” and “Faint”. The Sound of your voice painted on our memories. Even if you’re not with me, I’m with you. Who cares if one more light goes out? Well, I do!:broken_heart::heart:

Greetings and hugs from Germany :heart:


#13

#14

This is my tribute to Chester. A Year has passed :frowning: Many things have changed but my love for you and LP has not!!! You will always be in my heart and I will never forget you. Love you forever my bro!!! :sob::sob::sob::sob: <3 <3 <3

My thoughts and my prayers and my support are with you all my LP Soldiers!!! <3 <3 hugs


#15

Awww you framed the Kerrang! art print! Looks amazing!


#16

Thank you. It is such a nice print. And I thought it needed a frame and a special place in my living room. :heart_eyes::heart_eyes::heart_eyes:


#17

I love the Kerrang! artwork in the frame! :heart:️:heart:️:heart:️


#18

Awww thank you :heart_eyes::heart_eyes::star_struck::heart_eyes:


#19

For me its that it was night by the time it all happened
and i didnt know anything
all i do remember is that specially that night i was not feeling good
i suddenly started thinking that what if i lose someone very special i mean what would i have been becoming if i lost someone close to me
i even cried by the time it happened
with no idea what was happening
the next day came i still was unaware of it
didnt even check social media
but had to go to tuitions
there my friend asked if i knew anything
i had no idea of what she meant
and she told me to wait until tuitions end
then with a lot of difficulties she told me at the end of tuitions
at first i didnt believe because we are talking about Chester
then i checked social medias IG twitter and here and then realised it was true
i cried a lot and still do i had lost every inspiration to write and play music
even lost interest into listening to music
but with time i realised that no i should make him proud


#20

I remember the announcement of the new album tour and it was going to start in Vegas. I seriously could not afford it and LP has been my favorite band for years. The very thought of missing that show brought me literal physical pain. So I made it happen and I went. I’m glad I followed my instinct on that one and went because I would have regretted it forever.

When I found out Chester was gone, I left work sick. I cried nonstop for 2 hours and cried off and on the rest of the day. And stayed home sick the next day. And I will be honest that I got s-faced drunk that day because I was beside myself with grief. I’ve never felt that way about a musician or someone I’ve never met who has passed away before. Sure, I’ve been sad, but I’ve never actually actively grieved for them. And it was probably because of how many times he saved my life and just how much I had in common with him. Minus the talent, heh. I’ve not gotten drunk since. I felt it dishonored him and his memory. Not to mention how sick I got was another reason. I’ll be honest there. Both were huge reasons why I quit after that. But it’s been a huge loss for the world at large. He touched a lot of people. Below are the words I want to say for him:

Who cares if one more light goes out? Well, I do. It’s been a year since you had to leave us and not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. You touched my life in ways that I’ll never forget. And I still can’t believe how much it hurts knowing that you are gone. Chester, I never knew you in person, but I feel like I did. Thank you for everything you gave and for everything you did. You touched more lives than you know and I hope that you’ve found the peace in the next life that you deserve and couldn’t find in this one. Rest well, my soul brother.