Sorry this is a long post and sorry my mother tongue isn’t english so this might not be perfectly written. Finally got enough courage collected and decided to post here. I wanted to tell you a little bit of me and why Linkin Park and Chester mean so much to me.
I remember the day like yesterday. I was heading to kitchen after school and had MTV on. You know, when they still showed music videos. One Step Closer had just started and I stopped to watch the video. My first reactions was: “What is this thing!?”. Cause I was eleven years old and I had never heard anything like that. Before that I haven’t really had listened to anything “my own”. Just what radio was playing.
So eleven year old me was thrilled. It hit my heart so hard. Then I didn’t know how important Linkin Park would become to me. Later I saw the video again and started to wait and hope they would show it. Can’t even remember did they play it in radio too here then. Time went by and finally my mom bought me Hybrid Theory from a local supermarket. I was so happy! She probably knew how happy it would make me since the music style wasn’t really her thing, lol. I played it nonstop for ages. And I was the only one amongst my friends who loved it (still am, lol). I think my mom also got sick of me listening it since she bought me also headphones finally.
So then I was just happy little girl who was amazed by the new music style that was so exciting and inspiring. I learned to understand the lyrics pretty soon and could somewhat relate already. But then the bullying got worse. You see I had been bullied in school then for some years, but starting junior high wasn’t easy. Especially when the people doing it weren’t same there. I got depressed and sure you can say that is normal for a teenager but I already knew then it wasn’t.
All that came back into my mind when I listened to Meteora from a cd years after those times. Physically opening the case and pushing ‘play’ brought back all those heavy thoughts I had then. But still it was what saved me. Singing, listening and reading the lyrics that somehow were like written about me. Literally it saved me from not killing myself. For me Hybrid Theory was always the raw power, but Meteora was sad and depressing. After I got my therapy going and got my first diagnoses I realized it wasn’t the album actually but the emotions I had back then. Many years after that all kind of even worse stuff happened but I won’t go to those now. Ever since I have sought strength and comfort from music.
Reason why I am posting this is that I am happy to be one of the people that Chester and Linkin Park saved. I am still here and when times get rough I remember my gratitude towards them. This is really the only way to thank them. So now when it hits midnight and 20th day is here again I try to stop crying and remember that grief subsides some day. I miss him so much.