I am very new around here so forgive me if anything of this seems to be very sloppy since I’m not quite as familiar with a forum type of format. I just want to warn you all in advanced before you decide to continue onto reading because what I’m about to say is going to be very upsetting and very triggering. But I can definitely use the LP community right now because I’ve been so alone in my suffering and I have no where else I can go to except here to find some kind of comfort or something.
Anyways I’m just going to straight up tell you all that ever since the 20th, I’ve been cutting myself almost every single day. It’s been the only way that I can cope with losing Chester here and it’s all my mind ever wants me to do whenever I start to feel sad about him. The emotions I’m feeling is very overwhelming. I’m hanging on by a thread here. I’ve also been crying almost ever day. I don’t know how else I can deal with this seeing as I’m very compulsive and I don’t have the ability to control my urges.The worst part is that I know I’m being crazy but this is also something I can’t help.
To give you a little bit more background about myself in terms of how I’ve been trying to do the best I can, I go to therapy once a week, I take my antidepressant and anti-anxiety pills everyday. I don’t have a job nor do I even know how to drive, let alone even being able to afford a car. I pretty much spend my days at home in isolation so you can all probably imagine why it feels like I’m alone because essential I am alone physically. Another thing I want to confess is that I actually felt like doing the exact same thing that Chester did on that same day because everything in my life was going wrong on that day and hearing the news was my final blow…
Unfortunately the third anniversary of my best friend’s death is coming up on the 10th and my local Chester memorial is two days after that. I never thought that I would be mourning over Chester in the exact same way I did with my best friend but here I am doing so. The thing is it’s not like I knew Chester personally, yet it still hurts me so much. So yeah I’m not sure exactly how I’m going to make myself stay alive this week but I’m just going to for the sake of attending the memorial. After that I’m not so sure how much longer I can take this pain. Thank you for taking your time reading this.
Edit: I also like to add that last week I used the suicide text hotline from LP’s official website twice. The second time has helped me a little bit. However I need to be around other fans like yourselves seeing as I feel like there’s more of you guys and I won’t have this feeling of being left behind with my thoughts again by myself. I could really use some comfort right now since I want to think that you guys are welcoming enough like a family would be. Anyway the sooner I can see a reply, the better since I’m struggling very badly in my depression. Thank you.