My greatest fear just got worse


#1

Hey guys, sorry I just wanted to post this somewhere and share it with anybody who’s willing to listen. Maybe it does not really belong to this forum, it’s not really related to LP or whatever. Maybe you will laugh at me, maybe you’ll mock me - because that’s what people do when I try to point such things out. But whatever. I needed to get it out.

It’s about the greatest fear in my life. And no, it’s not spiders, they’re the second, maybe third :slight_smile: You’d be surprised what kind of things my mind is bordered with.
So, to the point.

I’ve always been a scientist, even since young age. I’ve always liked to learn new things about the world, people, space. I was curious about everything and eager to explore. Just like my little Laura is. One of the consequences of my analytic mind for other people is that sometimes they think I’m too painfully truthful and cold. But I just usually try to think with pure logic.

You remember those movies like The Fifth Element where some alien comes to Earth, tries to learn everything about it and its people and then after some time (s)he sees some videos with an atomic bomb and starts to cry and hate humanity? That’s me. When I first saw it, I was like 8-10 years old and I literally started to cry. About the stupidity of people. About them destroying the nature with this, with pollution, with plastic, everything. About destroying themselves and each other. So much knowledge, so many possibilities and so little awareness. Since then it started haunting me. I started to understand the “mad scientists” who killed themselves because they discovered how things work in this world.

About 10-15 years ago when started to grab a bit of sense of politics, I saw this document on TV. They said that (I don’t remember the year because my head is somehow not wired to remember years and names, so don’t ask me about any details, please) there was a U.S. submarine that almost destroyed the whole world because the captain was a bit crazy and almost fired a large - no, huge - world-destroying - atomic bomb that would wipe out everything. I realized that we’re closer to this than we think. Just a few crazy people on high places are enough.

I know, I know, I sound like those crazy priests from the catastrophic movies who preach about the end of the world and nobody listens to them. But the truth is that in our everyday lives we try to close our eyes before the world’s problems to try to survive the day. I try to do it too but maybe I was cursed because I see the world for what it is and can’t turn it off.

A few years back I had this episode in my life when I woke up every night on a brutally vivid nightmare about a nuclear war. In the dream, I always stood somewhere on a known place and watched a faraway land in expectation of the inevitable when I heard a huge blast and then after a few seconds I saw the large mushroom cloud. Then I watched the fiery wall quickly spreading around it, closing to me and, finally, burning me alive. It was real like I was there. I was living it. Over and over again. I was so scared. I felt the fire burning me, I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move. And I thought: “So this is how I end up? This is what dying looks like? It’s horrible, scary, painful!” I always woke up screaming and all sweaty. Sometimes I tried to run in those dreams but usually I just knew I don’t have anywhere to hide and the end will come whether I want it or not. Even if there would be any places here to hide, by now, they would be already filled with rich people.

Those dreams disappeared for some time now. But with the recent development in the world and the USA withdrawing from the nuclear arms treaty they started to come back. But with a 1000-tonne additional load of worries. Because just my life is not the only thing I have to fear for anymore. Now those vivid dreams contain one more little human being who cannot take care for herself and who dies first every single time. And I have to watch it, all of it. I have to relive the moment when I helplessly and unluckily think of a shelter for her, when I replay the images of her suffering from the radiation symptoms in my mind, when I see the blast coming for her, … Everything.

All this makes me thinking - should I have really brought her into this world? Don’t get me wrong. Laura is the best thing that happened to me in my life. The best! Maybe I sound cliche like all those parents but it’s true. I never wanted children because my father left us when I was little and I didn’t want my future children to suffer the same (because all men are the same, right? - that was my young age thinking). But I’m glad I have her, with the right man in my life, and it’s literally the best thing that ever happened to me. Children are awesome and the joy they bring to one’s life, it’s just irreplaceable. For this I would do it again.

But I’m thinking about it for her. Is it right to bring a child into such world? To see her suffering in a few decades when the world destroys itself by atomic bombs, global warming or something else? To know that she might never see some of the animals that live today? That maybe in a few decades the bees might go extinct? That she might never see the underwater beauty as we knew it? That she will live in a world where the temperature will slowly rise until it’s unbearable? I really don’t know and I’m afraid of what the future might bring for her. My heart hopes for the best, but my skeptic scientist mind fears the worst.

I can’t understand how are people not going crazy scared about global warming, about pollution, about the situation between the world powers. Maybe they displace it in their mind, push it back in their will to survive the day? I don’t know but we should do something. Anything. To make the world a better place. Not for us, but for our children…


#2

:cry: :pleading_face: This post is so nicely written… I feel all you said here! I’m trying my best in my lil world to preserve/protect the environment and force (when needed) the others around me to do the same… but I always feel like I’m not doing enough and that, like you said, people now have a better instruction, there’s Internet,technology etc and they’re BLIND!!! They don’t see what they should see and think only for their lil life without caring for important things!! That’s why progress isn’t useful, environment was better when we was simple minds without education and technology! And that’s horrible! :sob:

Thank you for opening this discussion here! :heart:

Also, @Woco21 @rickvanmeijel you should read this thread…


#3

The topic is not so far from LP stuff as you may think . ‘What I’ve done’, ‘The Thousand Suns’.
I had fears like that after September 11th.
Now my fears as a person responsible for a small human being are more down-to-earth. And it saves me.
Not to say that I don’t notice how the world around has changed since I was a child. When food meant food, not something food-like and full of food improvers (which in fact don’t improve it but have bad influence on our health). When winter meant snow and frost from December to March (on the other hand, across the ocean – Elsa rules as never before). When summer was sunny and hot and no one used sun blockers. Now in our part of the world we have autumn almost all the time – sometimes with heavy rains that increase water level and cause floods.
It’s sad cause if you start analyzing it you will come to the conclusion that you can’t do anything or close to anything. You have to eat something although you don’t trust the food industry. You have to go out even the smog level exceeds the reasonable limits. You also won’t do anything if an idiot decides to blow the world up. They say if you want to change the world start from yourself but… You sort your rubbish out into different containers. But you are still not sure if they are gonna be recycled. Or your neighbour puts his mixed rubbish into container with plastic.
The environmental policies are either insufficient or the official steps that are believed to be taken are just simulated. On one hand support for those who are too poor to get environment-friendly is scarce, on the other hand those who pollute the environment are not penalized. I guess many societies aren’t mature enough to understand that wealth is not only what goods, technologies and money represent.

To you, I would say stop being a scientist for a moment, be a mother. Maybe
the generation of our kids will be more aware of the problem and save the world ‘minutes to midnight’


#4

It’s really a burden what you’re going through my dear @mish3lka :hugs: thanx for sharing your deep fears and thoughts with us and I hope the process of writing it down brought you a bit of a relief. You are always welcome here to let go everything, thank you for your trust and be sure: you’re save here and we have your back. No laughter, no mocking. I guess we all have diffrent things that torture us and it’s only strong to make the step and open up about it, thank you very much for your trust into the family :hugs: :rose:

For me, as a mother, I feel some of what you describe too. This fear that the child could suffer and oneself is not able to help. Every own suffering is nothing compared with seeing your child suffering, in danger or being hurt.

Knowing this, it’s almost inevitable to not integrate the own flesh and blood into our own anxieties. This is what our brain does easily. Plus due to the new situation between the East and West Cowboys ( so called politicians) made the danger of a nuclear war a bit more real. Just take a big hug and be aware, you’re not alone with this fear.

BUT

Imo every day we have on this earth, every smile, every sunrise and every moment we have with our beloved ones is worth it! If Laura could speak - she definitely would agree and be happy and grateful that you gave birth to her. Because it may be that all these horrible things happen- but there is a legit chance that the worst case won’t happen and that, if something like this is going to take part, she would have had a good life beforehand.

The heart attack of a very close friend that happened only a few days ago showed me once again that the chance to be ripped out of this life from now to then within seconds is always given. This makes me trying to honor each day as a gift, to live my life aware and open, for everything it brings to me… good experiences as well as lessons to learn, pain as well as love and to value the good times as much as I can- because one thing is sure: it will end one day, this life we’re living - we just don’t know when and how…

Sending strength :muscle:t2: to you my dear, powerhugs :hugs: and a big kiss :kiss: on Lauras cheeks, I pray for you that you will be set free from this burden


#5

Lots of thoughts and feelings you described there. Firstly, I’m not a parent so I can’t fully empathise with your fears and situation. However I do have my own thoughts about this and I’ll try to articulate them.

I agree that many people simply turn a blind eye to the world’s problems. Many people don’t care about anything but themselves and their own well being. Currently that’s the sad state of the world we live in. The fact that you can’t turn it off means you DO care! I know what this feels like. Most people around you will tell you to turn it off but your consciousness won’t alow it.

And that’s a gift, not a curse. It’s proof of your selflessness and ability to see beyond your personal needs and problems.

My advice: Let go of the fear. Fearing and thinking about disasters and destruction is useless. Yes, the problems in today’s world are alarming and your consciousness woke you up to these problems from a very young age. That’s a gift you need to utilize. Make people aware, do whatever you can to contribute to a better world. Start with yourself and ask yourself: what can I do about it? Like you say, for the sake of our children. I believe this is the highest goal in life that a person can strive for.

And you don’t have to end poverty and war on your own! Don’t start big, start small. It’s often the small things that make a difference first. Besides, the more people become aware and participate, the more support and easier it will be to achieve a better world.

Getting really philosophical here :smile: I hope that talking about it and seeing different perspectives will help you clear your mind and bring some order.


#6

It’s bizarre isn’t it? Internet opens up the doors to SO MUCH knowledge and what do most people use it for daily? Social media, netflix, cat videos and other nonsense. You’d think with all the problems going on that people would invest their online time in more productive activities.

True, LP dove into these topics multiple times, mainly with A Thousand Suns. @mish3lka Notice how that album concludes? After exploring themes of atomic threats and fears the album ends with The Messenger, telling the listener there’s hope, love and a reason to live.


#7

Exactly!!! :angry:


#8

The older I grow the more ignorant about the big politics I am. Are they trying to keep each other ‘across the line’? But what is the line and where does it run? Is that a competition who uses the nuclear weapon first? Cause there are gonna be no winners, only losers. Including ones who don’t play the game.

They say they fight for peace. The is a paradox in the statement somehow. And the effect of their fight may be the following - there may come eternal peace after a huge strom but there may be no life anymore.

No reason to anticipate the worst. and escalate fear from something we have no impact on. Sometimes it’s better to watch videos about cats or play the last letter game.To distract your mind.


#9

Yes, awakening to what the world is, is a tough realization. But it goes much deeper than what people believe. It involves the very stake of humanity. It involves our beginnings.

You are born into this world and slowly programmed to function to it. Media and mediocre education systems manipulate and entertain the minds of the young, to confuse them with lust of the flesh and materialism as a distraction. It;'s easy to manipulate the masses into fighting one another and divide them over ideologies that are poison. Not realizing that all in all, the political stance is the same, all a charade, just having innocent people hate each other.

If you repeat something over and over, it is bound to be taken word for word.

Life itself is a puzzle that too many people are scared of questioning. I myself have gone down and completely understood why things work the way they do. It also has something to do with fears.

You aren’t crazy but if its answers you seek, we can all help enlighten the way.

There are some threads here also talking about such things including:

and last but not least, my music/lyrics thread:

PS: Dont think you are crazy, I recommend slowly, but surely giving small seeds of information to others who are still dormant, it can spark interest :slight_smile:


#10

so, first of all: you are always welcome hear, with anything you want to tell. I hope I´ll come along with my english, and sorry I don´t have enough time to read everything.
But I just want to say that I think it´s a common thought about bringing children into this world.
this world is really crazy, but when wasn´t it? The children are our future, and nothing would develop and happen, if nobody would born children.
I can understand your fear completely, but if you really think about it, you realize there is never the perfect moment for having kids. There´s always crazy stuff going on but your kid will never be mad about you that you have born her, I think…


#11

The Internet is also loaded with half-truths, fabricated stories, and cults of people that believe the Earth is flat.

In the age of technology, does anybody really have the answers to our problems?

I wouldn’t feel shame for bringing a new life into this world. I mean, sure, the economy isn’t the greatest, and society isn’t any better, but I see it more as an opportunity to teach Laura and the next generation that evil has no place in our world. The more they can learn from our mistakes, maybe the better off they’ll be.

Unfortunately, there are things that we ultimately have no control over. That’s just a part of life. Sometimes it’s the little things we do that can leave a lasting impact.


#12

Dear @mish3lka
this is the BEST forum to write your heart out!
rest assured, LP fans know how to listen proven by their taste in music!

I was haunted by the same questions and the same burden but at the same time there was the hardest fear that i am somehow,… involved in all this?

See, the fear you have is real but it can go away like a cloud that you will blow away but in order to do this you need to undesrtand… the problem.
“The truth shall set you free” and no lie can cover for it.

So here’s some of the truth i see.
The people who see the world the way you do, add this high intuition to have this recurring dreams, are a very small margin of the population.
The other side, that sees this world going right and blame everything on others saying “we’re doing this to ourselves hahaha let’s go get some beer” are by waaay out there far more!
Your IQ and EQ of the margin of 5% decides to not bring a child in this world and the other 95% brings 4 to 5.
What does that do to the average IQ and EQ that CAN save this planet?

My dear, you have been blessed with a miracle!
i am not suspecting this, i have seen the new generation and their intuition is way off the known scales!
i know a 7 year old who never touched meat in her life without knowing what it is yet
i know a 5 year old who does rubic’s cubes when i can’t even spell them right
and you are given the hardest task of them all!
to protect one and help it reach its full potential in today’s thorny world!

Because… these above are only the given truths.
not the truth that will liberate you!
so what is that?
there is an enemy of life and he is control of all these crazy people in high places.
and you have just given him a blow by bringing a diamond into this world
one that you will raise in the values that you hold dear which judging from what i read above, i would blindly trust you will do a great job!

Now…
i can really really help you if you trust me enough to follow the following directions even if it will sound and seem silly as many “doomsday prophets” do as you describe.

try my rhetoric for a sec.
imagine a guy or a girl who is here for children because of an infinite love to them
would they be able to have their own?
if they did, how would they be able to touch and help the children of others when theirs would have to be a priority?
when a train of evidence is created, somebody would have to steer it.
the driver does not set the lines and the only difference with you is that his window is not supposed to have a side view.
your family is your purpose and it’s the beautiful window you are here to shape
and my job is to steer you and your new diamond to the right destination.
equally hard tasks!

I am going to link you to a wagon which is a little way up front, but you will go to this youtube and hit “playlist 2016” and start from there after it.

I will show you something that your own eyes will not be able to refute, and that is…
that better days are ahead of us!
and your daughter has inherited them.
all you are called to do is make sure she arrives there safely!

but it’s gonna get a little cold and military scary first and you have to keep her safe!
our tasks are equally hard!

I promise, the fear will disappear when you see the truth and not having to believe in it.
i stop here though i could type more, since that’s the reason i am!
because i was another man before Chester’s death and someone new now.
just a driver!
and i will share this video (front wagon) of May 2018 because this is the one that triggered me as the fitting for the discussion.

what you won’t understand starts in January 2016 and each wagon is one month from then.


(after the 20th min it won’t make much sense now, so drop this one there.)

but also check this:


Linkin Park saw all this coming
Don’t worry hun
You’ll make us all proud with the diamond you are about to build!

May God bless your new family with His grace and protection!
And hey… if it ever crosses your mind
don’t thank me when and if you feel like doing so!
you owe this to Chester!
Him and Mike are those who created this train.
All under God’s plans and supervision!

If you don’t believe in God, rest assured nor do i
i only see proof and this is what my videos are about!
I’ll make you see Him too and how much He loves you and Laura!

i hope you and others in here grab hold and see this for yourselves as well.
I never judged whether He is real or not, i merely observed.
Observations led to part D. (you’ll know what that means when you get there)
i hope we get this train packed! no worries bout that… it’s a ship now (post July2018)
there’s room for all!
<3


#13

In the age of technology, does anybody really have the answers to our problems?

Supposedly, they did.
would you throw away the lies you believed in, in order to replace them with their truth?
cause we have this tendency to consider truth what we found ourselves because we are scared to roll back.
something new is scary, something known feels safe, even if it’s wrong…

Your mind might respond that my truth vs your truth, who can be right? where there is an answer to that.
the Greek word for the word truth is Α+λήθη which is no+deception.
therefore, if i have 50% truth and you another 50% truth, then we both share a 50% of lies.
hence… the real truth is out that window of both.
It can only be day or night no matter the arguments about it we can have inside a dark room of no windows.
Truth does not relate to our views of it. it just is.

That being said… would you drop yours to listen and to observe something you could have refuted (pre-judged) on an argument unless you really looked at the proof?
Is there any other thing that shapes the truth but evidence?

take the ride too fellow LP fan! (we’re one family here and i don’t know if you a bro or sis!) :stuck_out_tongue:
(u sound like a bro due to uumm… “certainties” that i too had)


#14

The news will have you believing the world is about to end…don’t place your hopes, belief, thoughts into the news or politics in general. Control what you can control and anything outside of that, don’t give your energy towards. It’s not worth it.


#15

Sorry guys, I didn’t have any time to react until now. Thank you for all your answers, it’s good to see other points of view. I’ll try to summarize some of my thoughts on what you wrote.

Exactly!!! Currently we have these long months-lasting protests in the whole Slovakia against our government because some journalist has been killed. Nothing was even proven but they freak out and go protesting and they want a new government because they say they had him killed (recent proofs show that presumably the government didn’t have anything to do with that). In the beginning it was almost half of Slovakia.

Why don’t they protest now? Why don’t they freak out? It’s not true we people don’t have any power. We have, we’d just have to unite. And this is the hardest thing in the world it seems because now everybody is united just with his/her mobile phone, not with each other. I think everybody will wake up after it’s too late…

Yes, I know :slight_smile: And I know there is a reason to live. That’s not the point :slight_smile:

This. You just brought tears to my eyes yesterday, Pat. So much understanding! Thank you :hugs: It seems those fears (in various shapes) are shared by us mothers and you are on this path much longer than I am, you learned to live with them somehow. I am just at the begninning. I think it will always be there, I just have to learn to live with it, just like you did.

Thank you :hugs:

Yes, that’s what I’m trying to do in my everyday life. Not only I’m trying to live as caring for our planet as I can but slowly I’m trying to influence other people to care more. I teach at UNI so I have the advantage of many people knowing me, which gives me ways to contribute a bit to the awareness of our young. However, there still are some topics I cannot share publicly because the media manipulate our people so much that they don’t believe in the other side of the story - they call you a conspirator at best, a fasist at worst (I don’t know why but lately everyone who has a different opinion than the majority is labeled as a conspirator, fasist and extremist in our country - is it the same in yours?). So I have to be very careful of what I share because my public figure can fastly become a despised outcast and then nobody will listen to me.

Still I always have the feeling that’s not enough. I’d like to have such magic manipulative power on people that they would go protesting for my cause, throwing bricks into the politicians etc :slight_smile: I guess I watch too much superhero movies :smiley:

I lived like that for many years but I understood that it is important to know what’s going on. If everybody knew then we wouldn’t vote for such a stupidity into our governments.

Yes, how crazy is that, right? Just as @lpfan61 wrote, Cowboys… Just playing with fire until they burn themselves and everything else. Why are some people so stupid?? Long ago we scientists should have developed a funnel to pour the knowledge into one’s head :slight_smile:

Well it’s not like I don’t watch cat videos and distract my mind. I do. A lot. I mean A LOT (considering the time I have to dedicate to Laura). Movies and mobile games help with distraction. But that’s not turning it off, never will. And it’s not like I want those dreams to come. They come whether I think about the topic or not. Usually I manage to push it away easily but I have no choice after I wake up from a nightmare. Your brain works in your sleep, you can’t influence that :slight_smile:

And telling myself that “nothing will happen” doesn’t work. It never worked on me because I know I don’t really believe that… My scientific mind refuses to be so easily deceived :slight_smile:

Yes, thanks. As I wrote above, I try. It’s just slow. Too slow for the speed of what’s happening.

You can be damn sure I will !!!

Thank you for the advice. But this is just against everything I am. I care. I always wanted to change things in the world, make the world a better place. I just can’t throw away my personality. That’s not who I am and never will be.

Thank you for these words! :hugs: You can be damn sure I will raise her as best as I can.


#16

And guys, you know what’s “best”? Nobody in our country knows! Because it’s nowhere in news! They just repeat that Russians are bad because they have bigger guns but they don’t even mention the USA withdrawing from the treaty!
Have people forgotten how drastic nuclear weapons are? Have they forgotten why the treaty was created? In 1961 the Russians tested a nuclear bomb more than 3000times powerful than Hiroshima. It had parachutes so the pilots would be able to run away before it blows! The pressure wave ran around the whole Earth three times! This had initiated the treaty. People forget too much, it’s like they wanted war to happen.


#17

So true! I really can’t understand why they don’t care and what I noticed is the much money they have the less they care for their surrounding! :cold_sweat:

Well there are exceptions as in every fields…but still…


#18

I didn’t mean that I’m unaware and it’s my choice. I should have said: ,The older I grow the more aware I become that there’s no black and white in politics and it sometimes makes me feel confused’. The big politics is about deceiving & manipulating so if you hear what you want to hear from a politician you can’t be sure if he means it or just wants to win your vote or trust as a result power for him. Nobody wins the campaign saying: ‘Choose me and I’ll blow the whole world up!’  He probably would talk about the internal safety and security, global peace and human rights. He would play on people’s needs and fears and promise more jobs, better health system and social care. OK - let’s say we can see him through and choose the right ones instead. That is one side of the stadium.
But what if on the other side of the stadium we’ve got nuclear players that never leave after election
as they always win (even if they don’t - they change the rules and still win). So I’ve got no idea what I could do about them then.:wink:


#19

This is also very true. If you research deeper into topics, you will understand how a persons vision of reality can affect universal laws in the long run.

Inducing people through programming through media is a way to prioritize your way of thinking to flourish. When you have many with hatred, anger, etc. in their mind, then you are practically just destabilizing them for whats to come.

Once we learn to control our thoughts, and emerge victorious against these demons, we can begin to understand just the root of it all, and yes, mental health is vital to the illusion we currently play.

If you go deeper, you will begin to understand how dualisms interact with each other in order to make our world function.

Don’t be scared, aim towards positive thoughts, help others and spread word, that’s all you can do. Some will believe you and some will not, but at least you did something about it! The human is not as powerless as they seem to be, the only difference between us and them is… $$$$$$


#20

I didn’t know you were a teacher! Then indeed you can have a wide spread influence, and on an important generation. Don’t be afraid to be ‘‘labeled’’, that’s just a lazy tactic to silence an opposing opinion or research. It’s the same in my country yes, but I don’t care what anyone says. I realize that your job and reputation are at stake, but you also have to consider the importance of teaching your views, findings and the truth.

Nice example of anti-Russia propaganda which is rampant in our mainstream media too. They also never mention the amount of influence the US has worldwide politcally, economically, etc. They also never mention the regime changes that the US has forced or financed. Point is, mainstream news is massively biased, not independent and not to be trusted.

Basically every politician ever. I believe some of them have good intentions but most end up being caught up in this current destructive system. Because it’s designed that way.

Exactly, that’s all that matters.