I usually don’t post publically what I feel because I’ve always been very private with my feelings, but this time I need to share what I feel because it really affected me in a very deep and unexpected way. Maybe it’s because Chester and Linkin Park have been so important in my life, even more than I knew, or maybe it’s because I know how it feels like to have demons inside and try to fight them.
I feel so terrible that looking out of the window at my neighbor walking the dog I wonder why he’s not mourning. I would like that every single man, woman and child in the world cried for Chester. I feel like I lost a friend or a brother. It really tears me apart.
A couple of days ago I wrote a letter to Chester with the intention of burning it and entrust it to the wind. But today I decided to make it public, hoping that it would help me softening the pain and that it could be read also by the members of the band because I’d like them to know what Linkin Park and Chester have meant for me.
I wrote it during the night between the 23th and the 24th of July, in the darkness of my room, in one go following the flows of my thoughts and feeling, so, please forgive the possible improper grammar.
July 24, 2017
I’ve never had the chance to meet you but I feel the need to write this prayer to you.
What happened to you really touched me in a way I would never expected.
I’ve never realized how important you were for me. But looking back at my past it is quite obvious. I was only 14 when I started listening to your music and if I think of it I see how Linkin Park ad accompanied me in all my life. You have been the soundtrack of my life for more than half of it.
Only 10 days ago I was speaking of you with my brother and my sister-in-law during a trip and I told them that I loved your voice so much and that I thought that your voice is the most beautiful one in the musical panorama of the last two decades.
Then, just a couple of days later, while I was attending a course at university, it often happened to me to be thinking of you. In front of my seat there was a desk on which someone drew Linkin Park’s symbol, so every time my eyes fell upon it – and it was quite often – one of your songs started playing in my mind. So I had been thinking of you quite often lately.
When I knew what happened to you last Thursday evening, I was in shock. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe it. I’ve spent a couple of hours on the internet searching for some news, something that could tell me that it wasn’t real, but, of course, I only found bad news. I couldn’t fall asleep.
It’s been so painful since then. I can’t even image how painful it is for your family and friends. It must be a thousand times more painful.
I’ve always thought that you were a good person, that you were exactly like your voice. Your voice is strong, but also sweet and delicate. So are you: energetic but also fragile and sensitive. Those are characteristics typical of good people and good people should not leave this world so soon.
I really feel so bad. My friend Sandra says that I feel like this also because I’ve always had a very strong sixth sense and the fact that I had been thinking of you so often in those days it’s like my sixth sense was trying to tell me something. She could be right, but I think that I feel so bad because I have a regret. I regret that I couldn’t make you feel the love I felt for you. I failed in that. All your fans and I failed in making you feel our love for you. We didn’t succeed in making you feel that, despite all the pain and all the terrible things which may occur in this life, it is still worth to be lived. So now I hope that my prayer could reach you somehow and make you perceive my love now, wherever you are.
I really hope that you finally found the peace that you were looking for and couldn’t find on this Earth.
I hope that, wherever you are, you’re with your dear friend now and that you’re in peace.
Peace and Love,