It feels like everything is falling apart. I’m empty, devastated, heartbroken, sad, the list can goes on forever.
My hero, rolemodel, idol and lifesaver is gone. He’s gone forever. I just wanna scream at the top of my lungs. I love him so much. Even though I didn’t knew him
personally, his music was always there for me when I was sad, happy, angry and depressed. He never let me down. He will always be my no.1.
I don’t even know where to begin, my tears are streaming down my cheeks and it feels like it’s never gonna stop. Why? Why you? Why did you have to leave us so early?
There’s so much more for you in this world.
I remember the first time I met you. June 14th 2011 in Stockholm. I remember I was in school when I saw on facebook that Linkin Park is finally coming to Sweden after 4 years.
I couldn’t keep my tears. I cried, I cried tears of joy of excitement because I knew that I was finally going to meet you.
Weeks gone by really fast and closer the “D” date I became more and more nervous. About two days before the show I found out that I got a Meet & Greet with your band Linkin Park.
But for me, to meet you was my biggest dream. To say thank you for everything.
The day was finally here. The day that I was going to meet you in person. My hero. I was so nervous. I couldn’t eat, sleep or speak. I was shaking and crying because I was happy but
yet at the same time, nervous what you would think of me.
Even though my first meeting with you is kind of a blur because of my nerves I remember a few important things. When I stood infront of you,and you looked at me and smiled. I
broke down right infront of you beacuse I was so nervous. You’re standing up and gives me a hug. Oh dear god, I can’t even describe that moment. You’re hugging me and comforting
me and I say I love you. You’re smiling at me and you know that I meant every word. Then you grab my shaking hands and trying to make me calm down. You say “I don’t want you
to cry. Smile for me!”
When we’re about to take a group photo you walk up to me and grab my hands. “This is for you” you say and gives me your signingpen. Then you wrap your arm around me and we take
photos with the band. Then you’re waving goodbye to us.
My tears are streaming down while I’m writing this. Because this is so hard. Because I know that you’re not with us anymore. My whole world is ruined. It feels like everything
is meaningless. I’ll never see you again. I’ll never hug you again. It breaks me into pieces.
But I have to say that I was lucky to meet you one more time. One last time. One last hug, before we were saying goodbye. Forever. It was only a month ago. ONE MONTH AGO. At
the Bråvalla Festival June29th in Norrköping. I bought tickets and took some time off work so I could go see you again.
The Bråvalla day was here. Me and my company were so hyped to see you perform and ofcourse meet you again. After six years of waiting. I was so happy to finally meet you again
and I was nervous. The Meet & Greet was a little bit diffrent from the last time we saw each other. One, the band would go in one by one and sign stuff and there was no group-
photo with the band. But when you were standing infront of me, I felt numb. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. You were smiling at me and finally I got some guts and showed
you my dearest picture of all time. The picture of you hugging me back in Stockholm 2011. You smiled at me. Signed the photo and then when you’re looking into my eyes you see
that I’m about to cry. You give me a hug. I held you so tight. I never wanted to let you go and if I knew that this was the last time I’ll ever see you again I can promise you
that I would’ve keep you in my arms til your bodyguards would drag me away from you.
This is not even a month ago. Not even a month ago I hugged you. And now you’re gone. Forever.
I really hope that people understand how much you mean to me. You’re not just an “idol” for me. You are so much more and even though you’re not here anymore you will always have
a special place in my heart. And ofcourse on my wrist. My first tattoo was ofcourse your signature you wrote to me the first time we met. When I turned eighteen I did my first
tattoo. I will look down at my wrist tattoo and remember you the way you deserved to be remember as ;Kind, talanted, humble, inspiring, greatest vocalist on this planet and so
Chester, I wanna thank you for everything. You saved my life more than once when I was feeling the worst. I would never been here today if it wasn’t for you. And I don’t know
how I am suppose to go on. Because in my world, you’re always there. Alive and happy. What kind of fucked up nightmare is this?! Please wake me.
You’ll never be forgotten. I will love you forever.
Goodnight my beautiful angel. Please do me a favor, and sing for my mom in heaven so she can hear your beautiful voice. So she can fall in love with you like the way I did.