One Month Later


#1

It’s been a month, and I still forget sometimes. I’ll watch an interview and laugh along and for a second I wonder what’s coming up, where the next show is going to be or when another interview will come out, and then I go to look on twitter or something and it hits me and its like its a month ago all over again. Feeling like this over a celebrity, for me at least, is strange, its not something i thought would ever really happen i guess. It’s been hard though.

I feel like a should preface this with a slight trigger warning, as suicide and other things along those lines will be brought up, but anyways,

I was introduced to them (according to my family) as a baby, and really started to get into LP when I was about in early elementary, so probably 8-10 or something like that. Linkin Park quickly became a home to me, and something that kept me grounded and served as a constant while I had a very unstable life. I was severely bullied all throughout middle school, I had been sexually manipulated at a young age, I lost family members from suicide and mental illness as well as dealing with it myself, and just a lot more than someone at that age should have to deal with, but it was all kind of made okay when I had LP. Seeing that somebody who was in the public eye like Chester was went through similar struggles that I had made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I’ve heard Mike talk about in a few interviews about how when writing this album he’d think about how things would just pile up and sometimes it was something really little that would kind of push him over the edge and that’s how I’ve felt my entire life, everything just keeps piling on top.
Chester passed a few days after the 6 year anniversary of my aunt’s death, who also committed suicide. It hit me hard. I’m still trying to comprehend my mother who tried to do the same on new years, and then with chester and my aunt I was honestly at a loss. I still am. I’m about to be 16, and I never really saw myself making it this far, so the closer I get to my birthday the more and more i start panicking because i don’t know what to do, I never planned for this. I have been clean from self harm for nearly 3 years but recently its all I’ve been able to think about. its gotten really hard to hold on. I’ve also started smoking cigarettes again even though i had stopped long ago, it was almost like a substitute for cutting myself again but its still not great. I was supposed to go to the Las Vegas show, but now I’m going to the memorial on the same day instead, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to. How do you guys cope with it all?

I guess I want to thank LP for being there for me with the music, and all the wonderful people I’ve spoken to from the LP community for being so kind and for sharing you’re stories with me. It’s done a great amount of good. And thank you Chester for being such a kind and caring human, and for always looking out for your fans and for those who couldn’t look out for themselves. You’re kind heart will be missed.


#2

I’m not really good at talking about this kind of stuff. Honestly, crying over his death felt weird to me to, I felt like I was not supposed to do that, like I didn’t have the “right” to mourn his loss because I never knew him, but the truth is that he touched my life, just as he did with you and with every person who knew and liked his music.
Music touches us in a unique way, in a way that nothing else will ever do, because it goes straight to out hearts, everything else goes through the mind before reaching the heart. That’s why we all feel connected to LP and to each other even if we never really met.
I’m really sorry for everything you went through, know that if you ever need to talk I’ll be here, and I’m sure the rest of the guys here will be as well.

I do nothing, I just try not to think about it. I still listen to their music as always, singing my heart out along with Chester an Mike. I have to admit that there are some times in which I’m like “OMG he’s amazing, next time they come I will definitely be there” (No, I never saw them live), and that’s when it hits me that there will be no next time (not with Chester at least) and I get sad, but knowing that at least I’ll always have his music cheers me up, even if he is no longer here, his voice will always be, and that’s good… I forgot what was my point in saying all of this…

Anyway, I hope you get better, and again, remember, if you ever need to talk I’ll be here, and I’m sure the rest of the guys here will be as well. And hold on, life will get better at some point, don’t give up!


#3

man what a story… I can’t believe you’ve experienced so much already. To be honest I’m not really professional at helping people with these things. All I wanna say is we’re all experiencing this grief and we’re here to listen to our stories and help one another. If you don’t feel fine or want to talk to someone, just reach out here and we’ll listen and try to help you :slight_smile: stay strong!


#4

Possible trigger warning

Honestly, I’m not coping well at all. I’m crying every day (and I’ve never been a crier), my eating disorder is back, I’ve been self harming again and I have a hard time sleeping even though I’m always tired. Just when I thought things might be starting to look up and my depression was under control we lose Chester and I’m right back at square one again. If it weren’t for my cat I probably wouldn’t be here right now. Linkin Park and especially Chester have helped me through so many hard times in my life and are the reason I’m still here today. I’ve been listening to LP since the beginning so it’s like a big part of my life died with Chester. All I can says is just try to hold on, I know that’s all I’m doing.


#5

I never got to see them live either, and it breaks my heart. :broken_heart: I never really thought id be too affected by a celebrity death, honestly, but losing chaz was never really something that crossed my mind.
I’m here as well, and i hope things are going okay for you.


#6

@damienthedamned you really have been through a lot, I’m sorry for that… but you’ve been holding on so far, just try and keep this way, one day at a time. And if you feel that going to the memorial is gonna be too much for you to handle, then don’t, Chester will feel your love up in heaven no matter where you are :heart:

And @agusdbianco, I couldn’t agree more with you. Music touches us in a way nothing else does, and the way LP songs connects us all and makes us feel we’re not alone is really special.

And @greybaby88 if your cat is what is helping you to get through this hard time, hold on to it. and try to think that Chester will live on forever in our hearts and in his music, and when it’s not enough reach out for us or someone. :heart:

I can say that reading the forums has made me feel like I’m not alone, and to see so many people care about each other even not knowing them is truly beautiful and conforting. So if you need someone to talk to, just reach out and we’ll be here.