Poetry


#1

Hi forgive me me if I’m doubling up here in topic, but I couldn’t find a poetry thread.

Anyone interested in sharing poetry for critique? Either something you’ve written yourself, or just a poet you admire…I’m desperately trying to improve my skillz. Anybody on here write?


#2

I’ll start you all off… This one I wrote a few years ago called

sister rage

Sister rage

Anger without hope
Slowly killing me
but so beautiful and destructive
Anger stops for no one
Anger is a she
And she rips and tears at the walls that cage her
Until her master sets her free

Lady anger
Not a soul could ignore her
For whilst she is caged
She shall scream
Till all or ears bleed

Digging deeper at walls
Shards of wood sting
As they enter a new flesh
That cares not for feeling

Beware, rage, brings pain now
Because
Valkrie chooses only the slain

Primitive creature
Lady anger
Without conscience
Deluge your power
Nothing shall tame her
For valkyrie chooses only the slain

She’ll seduce you for the key
To her cage
Through burden, and promises to end your suffering
For she cares for only one thing
A duty, a mission
To execute the incubus
To torture him

As time etches into bones
And into skin
Voices get old
And wear you thin
Battles die out

War almost over
Apart from one thing
Execution of the incubus
And his torturing

Bound hands shake
As they start to give in
Reaching for that key

She’s now alive in me
Lady anger
What have you unleashed

For valkyrie chooses only the slain


#3

I’m not an expert on poems but i think it’s pretty good :slight_smile: i like the way you write and your metaphores. Do you write regularly?
I don’t write poems myself but i love the ones from shane koyczan. He is pretty talented and knows what he is writing about. He’s the one who woke my interest for poetry :slight_smile: maybe you can check him out, it’s really worth it :wink:


#4

Yay thanks for commenting, I was starting to think everyone thought poetry was redundant :slight_smile:

I’m glad you like that one, I will definently check out the guy you mentioned, I don’t know of many poets whom I don’t know in person, and have been looking to expand my repertoire…


#5

Oh and yes I try to write regularly, headspace permitting I try to knock out one once a week, but often write once a day, and often go months without a shred lot creative juice, so it really depends, although I would say I at least work on it enough to call myself regular


#6

I wrote this a couple if weeks ago, in my opinion one of my more mature and better constructed ones, although I have been told it is convoluted…what do you think?

Mens Rea

Jealous of the love you give him
Unconditional servitude
Leaving him
Means leaving yourself behind

Has he stolen every bit
Of warmth
Of heart
Of wit

Could it be mine for the taking
If i tried hard enough
Would your faith
Start shaking
Would you betray your god?

Can you not see the crime
In your heavy heart stolen
Alongside your mind
Even though
Your not his only bride

Your mired in contradiction
A faith filled atheist
Replacing god with men
With antynoms for a father
Repaying your reverence
With sin

Violence of god
Unfathomable
To those not yet exposed
When the faith flag is waving
Your god forced your eyes closed

By definition
God has no transgression
Therefore your god
Is but a man
If you look to see his trespass
You’ll see that I am one of them

The cruel man
You call your own
Needs you less
Than you think you need him
Recalling your every fault
To serve his pious whim

Time to choose
Him or me
I long for more
Than a hint of sleep
On your cold shoulder

We both need liberating
Tear yourself away
Heal us
So that we can both be more
Than just his
Actus reus


#7

I agree with you that this one is more mature but i think at the beginning a bit confusing.The first few stancas have no real connection which keeps them together to make it fluent. But then you creat pictures with well worked out stylistic devices (like the rethorical questions or where you have this God part). You somehow lead the reader from the beginning to the God part and then you pick up your thoughts from the beginning. This is like a little gap where you really notice that your talking from something else. But I like that because it gives your topic an accentuation.
This has a completely different atmosphere as the first one you postet. And i would say it’s even better :slight_smile:


#8

I think it could be separated into 2 poems. I hope I get around to sharing some of mine. I have a short blurb but that’s about it.


#9

I don’t remember seeing this section but I created a topic in «Art Gallery» for poems if you want to share yours in it:)