Portraits of a Masked Mind

#42

We are always with you… dude just don’t keep that in mind!

Its okay. But don’t now!! Guilt is the worst feeling. Bro its like just being into past. Please don’t think about that. :hushed:

We all are TOGETHER! :slightly_smiling_face: It doesn’t matter if we haven’t seen each other ever. It doesn’t matter if we are from any country. We are just together. And that is the thing. Please don’t ever feel lonely bro.

You will. And it will happen. A new day will rise. Away from all the guilts. Towards a new today and that is really gonna be amazing :slightly_smiling_face:

We all have a hell. But heaven doesn’t disappears. It does comes. :blush:

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#43

Some Notes before read it;

  • Parents Advisory.
  • This is the short version of the real one.
  • I will publish the letters according your replies.
  • In the next Reply I’ll leave a poll for your choice.

FORGIVENESS Part I
…Distressed by recent events, Alex is locked in deep remorse:

Alex: My heart cries and my soul despairs, there is no one near to contemplate what I have done to deserve such punishment, even so I will continue to seek to amend my mistakes.
His Conscience: You know that the guilt expressed with your own mouth, can free you from pain, you should only promise yourself not to do it again and fulfill it.
Alex: It’s correct, I know, but when everyone knows it and the guilt does not go away… It’s because… You have to go with the person to whom you have hurt and you must prove that you are sorry.
His Conscience: Why would you tell everyone, except who you really should tell?
Alex: You just said it, express your guilt and it will go away.
His Conscience: But… what’s stopping you from going to apologize?
Alex: Where this person is, I can’t reach … And even if I could, my thoughts don’t let me pronounce those words…
His Conscience: Will you pay more attention to your thoughts than to me? Why would you doubt me?
Alex: I don’t know, I just… I want to do it… I’m about to… But… I cannot, I think I’m very weak sometimes…
His Conscience: You aren’t, you just accepted something you didn’t want to…

FORGIVENESS Part II
Alex: I was happy in my work, all my companions loved me. There was only one person who would not let me fully enjoy him: Erick. That wretch made my life impossible, anything was an excuse for him. I came to hate him so much that I killed him. I had already studied everything necessary to execute my macabre plan; however, I was postponing his execution, but not the desire to cut him in several parts. The motive? I met a 9-year-old boy, his name is Andres, and he was the only one with whom I felt identified and I still am. The day I seriously thought of torturing and killing Erick; this child appeared and by talking to him, I calmed down.

Even so, I had no idea that what I was going to do will be so much worse… Here is the most repulsive description of a death brought about by my own hand and now has no divine forgiveness. Erick’s weakness was to be drunken. If being sober was unbearable, being drunken worse. It was 2 years ago, I know because Andrew’s birthday was around that time. That day I took Erick - already drunken - to the basement of his house -located in an industrial area.- With so much noise it was impossible for someone to hear his screams while executing my plan and later, I’d dispose of his remains.

Being in the basement at 22:30, I tied him to a chair and gagged with a thin rope. The rope ran from side to side, at the speed I wanted, so I slowly burned his skin. I took a break from that… and… with a special tool I tore a fingernail from the skin lifting it slowly… How I enjoyed with his face of suffering and his voice dulled by liquor asking for pity, it was an audiovisual delight. I threw boiling water in his eyes and let liquid hot wax drop all over his body, I came back with the rope and continued to run it from side to side… In the end he died and with an ax, I dismembered him, I kept his head and I succeeded to reduce it of size, with the body I emptied all the organs and I used his body of suitcase for several months, as for hands and the feet, I gave them to some savage animals… I know, that night I became a bloody bastard and a ruthless torturer, sadistic and full of joy and a delight of the very satan.

After these statements, the judge decides to lift the session and leaves Alex alone with the guard, who starts to bother him.

FORGIVENESS Part III
Guard: So tell me… What are you going to do? They will condemn you to many years, then what ails you? Your cellmate or what? -Asks sarcastically.
Alex: Not being able to obtain the forgiveness of the most injured person in this whole affair.
Guard: Who the fuck do you mean?
Alex: I’m talking about Erick’s son…
Guard: What do you say?! Erick’s son! What did you do to him bastard?
Alex: Nothing! He is out of danger, but he is the child I so admire. I shared everything with him and he with me.
Guard: I’ll kill you if I find out you’re a pedophile, sick bastard, approach him and you’ll die.
Judge: Guard! Stop right there.
Alex and the guard: What is your lordship doing here?
Judge: I came for my glasses. But what’s going on here?
Guard: This sick rapist “wants to apologize” to the child for the death of his father. Stupid assassin, you have no right to be able to approach that child while I’m here.
Alex: I’m not a rapist! I would never hurt that child… At least not a physical injury… He is very close to me; that the guards kill me or that they rape me in prison, but, please, Mr. Judge, grant me this last wish.
Guard: It will be a pleasure to suck you off scum.
Judge: Guard, enough! Get out of here, calm yourself down and then come back.
Guard: You don’t give orders!
Judge: My room, my domain, my orders! go rest now.
Guard: I will call another partner before I let go.
Judge: Ok. Returning to your request, Alex, we will consult it each others.
Alex: I just want to apologize to the child. I didn’t know that Erick was his father. Andrew never mentioned it. I knew it when I checked Erick’s personal documents, I saw a familiar picture and… Erick and Andrew were there. From that moment I live a repentance that does not disappear, that’s why I surrendered. I couldn’t bear to see Andrés like that. He looked fine. After the death of his father, he improved a lot in his school and I tried to explain several times to him, but I never could. Today I come to receive my punishment or my salvation, because the greatest punishment is to see him and not to speak to him, and so, I will wait here, standing and resigned, your decision and I will accept it.

After this Alex is left alone, being watcehd for other guard, in the living room, while the guard is in his office and the members of the court ramble about the Alex’s fate.

FORGIVENESS Part IV
His concience: You’ve exceeded this time with your show of repentance.
Alex: You did it, didn’t you? I appreciate that, but now I’m afraid of what happens to me.
His concience: Who would not? All living things, even plants themselves, they feel fear.
Alex: What do plants have to do with all this? You confuse me.
His concience: All. Andres is a plant, right? Tell me, the last time you saw him. What happened?
Alex: Anyway, he’s not a plant. Ahh… Well… Let’s see… I was at the school gate and I wanted to talk to him… When I saw him, his gaze penetrated my soul… It was a look of surprise and terror mixed with fear and perplexity. I could not say anything but: Hello Andrew, happy afternoon! And he left. I wanted to go after him, but a group of children stopped me. When I got out, he was gone… That was about 2 and a half months ago Why the question?
His concience: Because you need to remember. Now no matter the decision of the judge, you have made a breakthrough. Bye.
Alex: I don’t understand you and that you are part of me jajaja how ironic is not it?

In the background a noise is heard, The door opens and let’s everyone in the room again. This time, with the answer in hand. The Alex’s fate is already written, now only remains to hear.

Jury: Alex! We already have your final verdict, your sentence is… A draw between Death, Conviction and Freedom?! What does this mean?!
Judge: I know how to fix it. There is one person who has not yet voted.
Jury: Who?!
Judge: That person is someone who has been present at the courthouse.

It’s time for you to decide what will happen to Alex, I leave the options in your hands. Please choose the one you like best and keep reading:

Letter A: Death.
Letter B: Condemned.
Letter C: Freedom.


A special thanks to @mishelka3 for the helping. I hope that now the history be more easy to read and understand.


10/29/17 Sunday

Spanish version:

PERDÓN

…Afligido por los acontecimientos recientes, Alex se ve encerrado en un remordimiento profundo:

Alex: Mi corazón llora y mi alma se desespera, no hay nadie cerca para contemplar lo que he hecho para merecer semejante castigo, aun así seguiré buscando la forma de enmendar mis errores.
Conciencia: Bien sabes que la culpa expresada con tu propia boca, te puede liberar del dolor, solo debes prometerte a ti mismo no volver a hacerlo y cumplirlo.
Alex: Es correcto, lo sé, pero cuando todos lo saben y la culpa no se va… Es porque… Hay que ir con la persona a la cual le has causado daño y debes demostrar que estás arrepentido ¿No es así?
Conciencia: ¿Por qué se lo dirías a todos, menos a quien realmente debes decirle?
Alex: Tú lo acabas de decir, expresa tu culpa y ésta se irá.
Conciencia: Pero… ¿Qué te detiene de ir a disculparte?
Alex: Donde esta persona está, yo no puedo llegar… Y si puedo, mis pensamientos no me dejar pronunciar esas palabras…
Conciencia: ¿Le harás más caso a tus pensamientos que a mí? ¿Por qué dudarías de mí?
Alex: No sé, simplemente… Lo quiero hacer… Estoy a punto de… Pero… No puedo, creo que soy muy débil a veces…
Conciencia: No lo eres, acabas de aceptar algo que no querías…

Ante la presencia del juez, Alex empieza a narrar su historia.

Alex: Era feliz en mi trabajo, todos mis compañeros me querían. Solamente había alguien que no me dejaba gozar plenamente de él: Erick. Ese desgraciado me hacía la vida imposible, cualquier cosa era pretexto para él. Llegué a odiarlo tanto que lo maté.

Ya había estudiado todo lo necesario para ejecutar mi plan macabro; sin embargo, fui aplazando su ejecución, más no el deseo de despedazarlo ¿El motivo? Conocí a un niño de 9 años, se llama Andrés y era el único con el cual me sentía identificado y sigo estándolo. El día que pensaba seriamente en torturar y matar a Erick; este niño se apareció y por hablar con él, me calmé.

Aun así, no tenía idea de que lo que iba a hacer no podía ser peor… He aquí, la descripción más repulsiva de una muerte provocada por mí misma mano y que, ahora, no tiene perdón divino. El punto débil de Erick era ser un bolo. Si estando sobrio era insoportable, no digamos estando bolo. Fue hace 2 años, lo sé porque el cumpleaños de Andrés era por esas fechas.

Ese día llevé a Erick -ya bolo- al sótano de su casa -ubicada en un área industrial.- Con tanta bulla era imposible que alguien escuchara sus gritos mientras ejecutaba mi plan y, posteriormente, me deshacía de sus restos. Estando ya en el sótano a las 22:30, lo até a una silla y lo amordacé con una soga delgada como el hilo dental, pero tan fuerte como la de un barco anclado en el mar. Se corría de un lado a otro, a la velocidad que yo desease, así fui quemando poco a poco su piel.

Tomaba un descanso de eso… y… con una herramienta especial le arranqué uña por uña levantándolas lentamente de su cochina piel… Cómo gozaba con su cara de sufrimiento y su voz entorpecida por el licor pidiendo piedad, era un deleite audiovisual. Le tiré agua hirviendo en los ojos y le dejaba caer cera caliente líquida en todo su cuerpo, volvía con la soga y seguía corriéndola de un lado a otro…

Al final murió y con un hacha lo desmembré, su cabeza la conservé y logré reducirla de tamaño, a su cuerpo le vacié todos los órganos y lo usé de maleta por un buen tiempo, con las manos y los pies, se los di a unos animales salvajes… Lo sé, esa noche me volví un maldito bastardo malnacido y un torturador despiadado, sádico y lleno de un gozo y un deleite propio del mismísimo satanás.

Tras estas declaraciones, el juez decide levantar la sesión y deja solo a Alex con el guardia, el cual lo empieza a molestar.

Guardia: Así que dime… ¿Qué piensas hacer? Te van a condenar a muchos años, entonces ¿Qué te aflige? ¿Tu compañero de celda o qué? –pregunta sarcásticamente.-
Alex: No poder conseguir el perdón de la persona más dañada en todo este asunto.
Guardia: ¿A quién carajos te refieres?
Alex: Hablo del hijo de Erick…
Guardia: ¡¿Qué dices?! ¡El hijo de Erick! ¿Qué le hiciste bastardo?
Alex: ¡Nada! Él está fuera de peligro, pero él es el niño que tanto admiro. Yo compartía todo con él y él conmigo.
Guardia: Te mataré si descubro que eres un pedófilo, enfermo desgraciado, acércate a él y morirás.
Juez: ¡Guardia! Deténgase ahí inmediatamente.
El guardia y Alex: ¿Qué hace aquí su señoría? –Dijeron ambos al unísono.
Juez: Vine por mis lentes ¿Pero qué pasa aquí?
Guardia: Este enfermo violador “quiere disculparse” con el niño por la muerte de su padre. Asesino estúpido, no tienes derecho alguno para poder acercarte a ese niño mientras yo esté aquí
Alex: ¡No soy un violador! Nunca le haría daño a ese niño… Por lo menos no un daño físico… Él es muy cercano a mí; que me mate el guardia o que me violen en prisión, pero, por favor señor juez, concédame este último deseo.
Guardia: Será un placer mamarte escoria.
Juez: ¡Guardia, suficiente! Fuera de aquí, vaya tranquilícese y luego regrese.
Guardia: Usted no me manda.
Juez: ¡Mi sala, mi dominio, mis órdenes! Vallase a descansar ahora.
Guardia: Llamaré a un compañero antes de irme.
Juez: Está bien. Volviendo a su petición, Alex, la consultaremos entre todos.
Alex: Solo quiero pedirle perdón al niño. No sabía que Erick era su padre. Andrés nunca lo mencionó. Lo supe al revisar los documentos personales de Erick, vi una foto familiar y… ahí estaban Erick y Andrés. Desde ese momento vivo un arrepentimiento que no desaparece, por eso me entregué. No podía soportar ver a Andrés así. Él parecía que estaba bien. Después de la muerte de su padre, él mejoró mucho en su escuela y yo intenté explicarle varias veces mi postura, pero nunca pude hacerlo. Hoy vengo a recibir mi castigo o mi salvación, porque el mayor castigo es el de verlo y no poder hablarle, y así pues, esperaré aquí, de pie y resignado, su decisión y la aceptaré.

Tras esto último Alex se queda solo en el salón, siendo observado por otro guardia, mientras que los miembros de la corte divagan sobre el destino de Alex.

Conciencia: Te has superado esta vez con tu demostración de arrepentimiento.
Alex: -Suspiro- Tú lo provocaste ¿No es así?.. Te lo agradezco, pero ahora tengo miedo de lo que me pase.
Conciencia: ¿Y quién no? Todo ser vivo, hasta las mismas plantas, sienten miedo.
Alex: ¿Qué tienen que ver las plantas con todo esto? Me confundes.
Conciencia: Todo. Andrés es una planta ¿No?.. Dime, la última vez que lo viste ¿Qué pasó?
Alex: Como sea, él no es una planta. Ahh… Pues… Veamos…
Yo estaba en el portón de la escuela y quería hablar con él… Cuando lo vi, su mirada penetró mi alma… Fue una mirada de sorpresa y espanto mezclada con miedo y perplejidad. No pude decir nada más que: ¡Hola Andrés, feliz tarde! Y él se fue. Quise ir tras de él, pero un grupo de niños me detuvo. Cuando logré salir, él ya no estaba… Eso fue hace como 2 meses y medio ¿Por qué la pregunta?
Conciencia: Porque es necesario que lo recuerdes. Ahora ya no importa la decisión del juez, tú has logrado un gran avance. Adiós.
Alex: No te comprendo y eso que eres parte de mi jajaja qué irónico ¿No?

Al fondo se oye un ruido, es la puerta abriéndose y dejando entrar a todos al salón nuevamente. Esta vez, con la respuesta en la mano. El destino de Alex ya está escrito, ahora solo queda oírlo.

Jurado: ¡Alex! Ya tenemos su veredicto final, su sentencia es… ¿Un empate entre Muerte, Condena y Libertad? ¡¿Qué significa esto?!
Juez: Sé cómo arreglarlo. Hay una persona que no ha votado aún.
Jurado: ¿Quién es?
Juez: Esa persona es alguien que ha estado presente en el juzgado.

Es hora de que decidas qué le pasará a Alex, dejo en tus manos las opciones. Por favor, escoge el que más te guste y sigue leyéndolo:

• Sobre A: Muerte.
• Sobre B: Condena.
• Sobre C: Libertad.


  • I’ve deleted the “parts” and now is a full history.
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#44
  • Letter A: Death.
  • Letter B: Condemned.
  • Letter C: Freedom.

0 voters

@theearlywalker, @Honey8, @mishelka3 and @rickvanmeijel. I’m waiting for your vote :slight_smile:

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#45

I’m trying to be optimistic.

I’m tired of leaving those feelings aside, I try to fight them and beat them…

Thank you, I guess I need to hear some affective words.

I hope it happens :smiley:

I know that the mine is nothing compared with others.

What a beautiful words honey. Thank you so much :kissing_heart: :grin:

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#46

We support you because there’s nothing to be guilt…you don’t have to feel like this…anyway we are with you! :hugs:

I agreed with @Honey8 ! :hugs:

Have to read better the story, but now have to go…later! :wave:

1 Like

#47

Ok!read more than one time… such complicated thoughts and what a change compared to the first stories you shared…

First of all please don’t hate me for what I’m going to say, but I prefer to be earnest than to lie to you… :hugs:
Ok, so I go…

I would have added something like “parental advisory"or"could hurt your sensibility” at the beginning, because you don’t know who can read your story and there are people of all ages here… the points you wrote are useful, but some of them could be understood after the reading… this is my opinion…nothing personal against you…

The story is full of deep thoughts… Your way of writing is really interesting, even if sometime it’s hard to understand the meaning behind it ( your skill…)…
The description of the kill was …well… macabre… didn’t understand if Erick did something bad to the kid…aside being drunk…
As for the relationship between the adult and the kid, I understood that the kid didn’t know nothing before the kill about the feelings of Alex for him, but then he was afraid… obviously…

The reason why I chose “condemned” is because there are full evidence of a kill…so Alex is guilty and deserve a punishment for this…even if he did it for the child…didn’t choose “death” because I’m against it…

That’s all for now…if comes to mind something else, I’ll add it… feel free to reply earnestly to me!!! :hugs:

2 Likes

#48

Welcome to my world, there is a lot of things to see :sunny:

I’m unable to hate someone. I’m not good for hate other, I can hate what they do, but not what they are. Instead I thank you!

I don’t know why but I forgot those two tags. I’ll edit it now, thank you sister.

Another edition mistake. I’m feel so good that you help me to see these mistakes, I can be better thanks to your eyes and sincerity.

That’s the intention. (IDK how to explain the next in English. But I try to say that he will be judge based in the crime and his regrets.)

When you read the ending, you will see, BTW I can’t tell you.

Ahh… Idk if I express it clearly, but the only thing that the kid didn’t know was the crime.
Both the boy and Alex shared their ideas and feelings. Even one of the endings mentions that.

Whatever it comes, please tell me :slight_smile:

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#49

Yeah…the title of your thread explains this… :wink:

:blush: you’re welcome!

Awww…thanks…:blush:

I understood that there’s some kind of empathy between the kid and the adult, but I thought that the kid knows about the kill…my mistake… :sweat_smile:

So…waiting for the end of the story…

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#50

You will get some soon. :wink: Just keep checking your emails

You are welcomed friend :hugs::hugs::wink:

Aww sweet sister!

I am sorry i am dead busy. Its 21:33 here and just got up from studies… will read the story later and share my feelings. I am sure it would be amazing one as usual.

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#51

Just catching up with your thread and I was particularly amazed by this one I quoted. Such inspirational and true statements! You’re spreading great things!

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#52

Did you send me something?

Take your time. Read it carefully.

Thanks. Also I love your work so much, I am trying to learn how to play the keyboard. Maybe you can give me some tips.

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#53

Will soon. Waito i Ain’t so fast lool! :sweat_smile:
Still checking forums… will send after that :blush::blush:

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#54

Ok. Take your time.

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#55

Sent :slightly_smiling_face:. You can check it

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#56

Thank you as well :slight_smile:
That’s great! When I started learning to play piano three years ago, I watched youtube tutorials and read about the basics of music theory.

I recommend checking out this channel for technique:


(Also check out their website)

This fantastic channel helped me learn quickly about music theory:

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#57

Done! It put me to think in many things. I only can say that I need efforce more myself…

Like me too :smile:

I will check it out later :smiley:

EDIT:
@the_termin8r @lpfan61 @mishelka3 @Honey8 @theearlywalker @rickvanmeijel @hilaryfol
Read again the first post. It’s updated!

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#58

It had positive affect right?? I am confused. Sorry if something was wrong.

The first post is updated perfectly. :slight_smile: Great work . You have written many since 2013! :smiley::smiley:

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#59

Yes! I feel a little better. Also I clean my room and throwing a lot of things that I don’t need anymore.

Thank you, Honey.

And there is like 3-5 histories shortened 'cause I’m working in their extended versions :slight_smile:

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#60

very nice :sunny: - throwing away stuff is one of the best feels I know … good flow man!

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#61

And feels so good cut off those sheets that you saved for years and only bad things had written. See you later, the work awaits for me.

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