Searching for the words


I’ve been searching for the words I wish to say. I still find myself crying whenever I gear your voice. I still can’t fully grasp that you’re gone. Linkin Park has been my go to from the instant I heard “Lying from You” I will never forget. I was a teen battling depression as a result of my bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder - of course then I didn’t know such. The school counselor called my dad at work and stated they were concerned I was going to kill myself. Ironically I was feeling very alive, blasting Meteora gettin ready for my annual dance pictures. Anyways, even then my parents ignored my signs of mental illness.

Feeling alone and like no-one understood I always felt accepted within the LPU soldiers community and in your lyrics. Each song touches my soul in its own unique way. It always comes back to there are others that understand and to hold on.

I will never forget my first Linkin Park show. Projekt Revolution 2007 Syracuse N.Y… I was 16, I had just lost my grandfather that raised me. My parents never cared for your music so they let me go alone with my then boyfriend. It was incredible. I felt so alive. As the headliners coming up next we fought our way to center stage. Upfront. It was a dream come true, and you were right in front of me singing the lyrics that kept me holding on and pushing me forward. It’s one of the most favorite memories I have.

Fast forward a few years and life for really tough again. I was on the edge. I can. Say both proudly and with angst I am a survivor. It is why I can say I am so terribly sorry for the pain and emptiness you had to have felt that night. It is the absolute worst feeling in the world. And I am so sorry you couldn’t hold on. I’m so sorry we couldn’t save you. But I am so thankful you, along with Mike, Phoenix, Joe, Rob, and Brad, for saving me more times than I can count. I love you all more than I can put into words. For the band I am so sorry for the loss you have endured, along with Talinda and their beautiful children. But I promise his spirit will be kept alive. I won’t ever stop playing your music. It’s all I listen to. It’s all that keeps me afloat. And I thank you all for that.

I am a survivor, I know how it feels to have that feeling of absolutely hopelessness. Please soldiers, if you get there please please please reach out. I promise it gets better.

I hope you have found peace and the freedom from your demons you so badly deserved. I love you, and I love the band. Whatever the future holds, I will support.

Thank you.