Self Scan - Ace Masters


This a piece I wrote about the horrid self-scan but from the view of the person operating it

Roll up, roll up, don’t be shy
Come and give self scan a try
Unexpected item, card declined
What fruit or veg you trying to find
Did you swipe your loyalty card
"Where do I pay" it ain’t hard
Look for the sign that clearly says card or cash
Don’t put in crumbled up notes that look like mash
It ain’t gonna read it and then you’ll get mad
You’ll blame us and makes us look bad
"Can you do that, can you do this"
No it is called ‘self scan’ you stupid bitch
Do you have I.D, approval needed
Because to me you look a little seedy
I don’t care how old you claim to be
I am asking cause you look a little young to me

The Band


Lovely! :blush:


I’ve sang it FM style(with Styles Of Beyond) in my head
Nice one, Master! :metal:


Even me :smile: :smile:



Great Job! :ok_hand:


I actually love the self scan service of our grocery store. Nice song!


Why, cuz there’s no queue? (Nobody seems to use :stuck_out_tongue:)


nicely done i like the ending lol


If I can avoid queuing up at the register with a half baked bratty teen who hardly knows how to count the money back to me then yes I enjoy the self scan very much :stuck_out_tongue: I don’t mind walking around with the scanner in the shop with my groceries. Here in my local super market the self scan is quite populair. I’ve actually had to que up this morning.


Self checkouts can be super annoying. I remember when I was buying a long barrel lighter for my flamethrower project in poundland I deliberately went to the self service to avoid being asked for ID but their system picked up the barcode and this woman came up to me and asked me for ID.

Like seriously? I was twice here height, have the voice of darth vader and was clearly a uni student, how can I be underage if I got into uni? She seemed skeptical when I gave her both my oyster and student ID (I don’t have a driver’s license yet). In the end she ended up letting me off.

What was even more annoying was that the lighter ended up not being suitable for the project. :unamused:


We operate a think 25 policy
If you are lucky enough to look ubder 25 to us be prepared to be ID
And oyster and/or student card would not be accepted


LOL! Same here! In my country, if you look younger than 25 and want to purchase a bottle of wine or a pack of smokes, they will ask you for your ID. I’ve been asked to show mine still… I guess it’s a compliment or something… :stuck_out_tongue:


A quick search says about 18, there seems to be a bit of variation depending on the info source but they all revolve around the 18 year mark, I was 19.


Apparently you have to be 18+ if it is a refill bottle, I think the one I got came with a refill in the package.


The legal age is still 18+ but government law states that think 25 was be applied before ANY age restricted product is bought


Yep 18+ is the age here too, i mean thats what i guess. But there are people who buy it illegally.


Got a new song in the pipeline
It is untitled but allow me to give you lovely lot a teaser

Fallen, defeated, crushed and beaten
Disgraced, for cheating, can’t stop the bleeding
Battered and bruised, shocked and confused
The fight, it happened, someone had to lose

Don’t just sit there crying
Take it like a champ

(That’s all I have at the moment)

Notes: There is a alternate line in this song
Alt line: Disgraced, for leaving, still can’t stop the bleeding

The Band



Sounds like it could be a rap, the way Mike did HHH on Monday.


That was epic…
Gutted didn’t get a proper APFMH though
Just wanted to get involved with the “You tried to get the best of me, go away!” Part lol


Apparently they played it the next day according to Eva, and even more annoyingly they did Petrified :confused:



I had work on tuesday night which is why i didnt go :frowning:
I see on some site cant remember precisely it was called was something like starhub or something and tickets was like £20