Showing Some Love


Since Linkin Park has become a part of my journey on such an emotional level I thought I should post this here. This is from my own personal journal that marked the end of my first year of my spiritual self-discovery journey. Warning it is long.
At Journey’s End (Scroll down to the comments for a summary)
This past year has been a confusing, yet fulfilling time. It started out as me having an emotional break down to something beautiful.
I started this year thinking I finally cracked. I was having severe flashbacks of my past to the point I started hearing the words that hurt me so much. Everything seemed to trigger these flashbacks, even as something as simple as a lawnmower.
Not all of my readers know this, but the “Gems of the Goddess,” series is based on a true story. My story. Even though it is covered up by dark fantasy fiction (It would make a great anime series), the trauma that the main character’s (Demi-Goddess’) go through to get their elemental powers, I actually went through either metaphorically or literally. I’ll explain. In Dual Karma Ray puts Cadence in a cage as a way of dominated her. Actual meaning: I was in a controlling relationship that turned into abuse. In Cradled Darkness Natasha talks about how lonely she is when her husband is never there for her. Also, the part where the father, Hank kills his daughter accidently, but was targeting the mother. Actual meaning: I went out with another abuser that caused me great loneliness. By doing this he killed my spirit to love. In Withered, this took me two years to write because of the flashbacks from it, it is literal in a sense. I was really raped at a young age for six years, not by my uncle, but my older brother (6-12 years of age). I really ran away a lot (The first chapter describes exactly how one of them happened, only I didn’t gain the all-powerful magic of the earth.) and Zoe’s feelings matches exactly how I was feeling at the time. Some of you already know this about me and some of you do not. I am ok discussing this subject with anyone. I have been healed. I healed myself.
When my emotions took me over I got to the point to where I couldn’t handle it. I went to the doctor who gave me meds and counseled me. It didn’t help. All it did was place a band aid on a gushing wound.
In October of last year I found out I was pregnant with my youngest son. I went off my meds and searched for some natural remedies to help me cope. Back in September I started a spiritual journey, really started it, before it was off and on.
It all started when I took a test titled “Are You an Empath?” I passed it, but I blew it off, thinking it was just silly. Then I passed another and then another. Some of the tests were from reliable sources for Spirituality. This inspired me to do research on the subject. The more research I did the more it sounded like me. I’m not going to go all depth about what an empath is. Basically they are highly sensitive, even intense with their emotions, sensitive to stimuli, energy, vibes, violence, and a whole bunch of other things. They can pick up on other people’s emotions and make it their own (Putting themselves in another one’s shoes). They have a heightened intuition, also known as the gift of foresight. They feel everything. There is more, so much more, but hopefully you get the point. This is both a blessing and a curse. When I love I love hard. When I am angry, I get very angry (Throw things). When I am sad it cripples me to the point of depression. Negative energy is like a thick cloud of yucky stuff.
Wearing your heart on your sleeves can be good and bad. Good because I am always open and honest about my emotions. Bad because I get hurt very easily. I trust easily, even when my own intuition is waving a red flag telling me not to, AKA, our current situation. When am I going to learn?
I decided to see where an empath fits in exactly. I was still on my self-discovery journey, inspired by Linkin Park’s, “Somewhere I Belong,” five to six years ago. So, I searched everywhere, Christianity, Buddhism, Sanskrit, Witchcraft, Wicca, Shamanism, Druidism, Egyptian, Greek, and many, many books on Spirituality, Psychology, and Psychic abilities. I also read countless blogs and visited even more websites.
I decided to go on the Wiccan’s year and a day journey. For the longest time I thought I was a witch or a Wiccan, or even both.
I studied crystals a lot. I was very drawn to them, I still am. Even able to feel their energy (Tingling feeling, somewhat lighter than a heartbeat). I started feeling energy, both good and bad, in everything, especially nature and people. During this time I was trying to find the right label for myself.
During my journey I came across an empath coping meditation, which involved certain crystals, a single white candle, and some relaxing music. I tweaked it a bit to get rid of the residual negative energy from my past. So, I put on my meditation playlist and gave it my all. Apparently, I was in that deep meditation for a long time because it ran into my other music. It was during “From the Inside,” (Linkin Park) that I felt a huge release. I passed out for a good two hours after that. Since, that day my PTSD, depression, and anxiety have been gone with one relapse that happened about two weeks ago.
I’ll tell you how bad it was. I didn’t know myself so bad I didn’t even know who my favorite band was. I believe the universe was trying to tell me who they were. Did I mention I am very stubborn, lol? My favorite band is Linkin Park. It has been for a very long time. This is what I imagined what it was like for the universe to tell me this.
Me: Isn’t there a band out there different from the rest?
Universe: Linkin Park
Me: How about a lead singer that is my kind of hot and can actually sing/scream?
Universe: Chester Bennington, Linkin Park
Me: Is there a band out there I can rage to if I need it?
Universe: Linkin Park
Me: Dance to?
Universe: Linkin Park
Me: Get fired up
Universe: Linkin Park
Me: Wind down
Universe: Linkin Park
Me: Have good hearts, a positive message, is real, doesn’t depress me, and is pleasant to look at?
Universe: LINKIN PARK!!!
Me: I think I like Linkin Park Thinks about it more I believe they are my favorite band of all time.
(Inspired by the question off of my 50 question quiz I ask people to get to know them better.)
The relapse happened because of the way my mom’s boyfriend treats and talks to her. I caught it before it could happen to its fullest. One day I was watching Linkin Park music videos I never saw before when I saw something odd in the video. I saw something in the video that wasn’t there. So, since it happened during a Linkin Park video I thought it might have something to do with them or one of their songs. So, I upped my Linkin Park listening, which inspired me to be a better fan. That was when I noticed I went to them whenever I was upset and they made me feel better. Their energy was awesome. I wanted to thank them, so I made them a Facebook page and joined their fan club, which I completely love. I’m also writing Chester a part in my upcoming book, which is turning out to be really good. During my research of Chester I noticed how much I really like him Blush. So, yeah I’m a Chester fan too.
The other day I was watching LPTV when they said something about losing some fans because they wanted to change the music up a bit. I got to say it. It is pretty sad that we live in a society where a band’s own fans don’t recognize their raw talent and creativity.
Ok, I said my peace.
I don’t know what the next year will bring. I know it has to do with being an empath (Which turned out to be a label on its own), The Secret (book series), and Linkin Park. I have no idea what it all means, but I am looking forward to finding out. I’ve learned to just roll with it


Summary from above: I did it again. I wrote a novel, so here is a summary of what is above.
Linkin Park inspired me to become the person I am today. They made me into a fighter instead of a victim. They continue to inspire me in every day. Seriously, my creativity is going crazy since I upped my LP listening.
My dark fantasy series is based on the trauma I endured in my life, including the sexual abuse.
Researched for a whole year to discover I was an empath, even thought I was a witch or Wiccan at one time. Negative energy is toxic to me.
Before my journey of self discovery began I didn’t even know who my favorite band was. LP matched perfectly with what I was looking for.
I noticed when I was upset I would go to LP. This inspired me thank them. Without them I don’t even want to know how my life would be. The character I’m basing Chester on is coming out really good. The more I learn how him the more I like him. Guess, you could say I’m a Chester fan too.
I believe they are highly creative and have raw talent. Their energy is both inspiring and up lifting. They do and always will rock no matter what they do.
Not sure where the next road leads, but I’m going to enjoy the ride getting there.


First Character bio, awesome. I’m really surprised I shared some of my pre-writing here. I usually don’t do that.