July 20th 2017, my partner went on to wiki and asked me “Is this true? Is Chester dead?” No, I replied, knowing full well that wiki isn’t always reliable. How wrong I was about to become.
Breaking news Chester was found dead in his home. Devastation had hit, at first I thought it was fake news, but then Sky News had it up, BBC News and every other news network around the world.
Then came the confirmation from Mike.
Devastation turned into heartbreak, I have never cried over the death of someone famous before that day, but that day I did, I broke down in a flood of tears, I couldn’t even sit and explain why.
That night I held a beer in my hand trying to listen to Linkin Park in his honor, every song set me off, and then they played it, they played One More Light and it went from just tears to actual crying, like when I lost my Nan and Aunt in back to back months.
It felt like I lost apart of myself, weird since I never knew the man personally, but not weird in the sense it showed how much of a connection he made to me.
I still remember discovering Linkin Park, before I did I was a ‘like all types of music, I have no favourite band’ kind of guy and by mear accident I turned to The Box and there they were, mid song mind “I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn’t even matter,” belted out this guy with his Eminem hairstyle, then the second verse started to come out, by the end of the song I was like, that song was awesome what’s it call, In The End by Linkin Park The Box spread across it’s screens, I was like, I need to learn this song, everytime it came on, I would try to remember the lyrics, oh how I struggled, when I look now I’m like, “How?”
It was at the Meteora tour I was hooked and was the tour I attended my first Linkin Park concert and I have stuck with them through thick and thin.
Anyway, getting a little off topic there, the days that followed after Chesters passing wasn’t any easier, luckily for me I had people around me that understood, never judged me that I was griefing over someone I never knew.
“How you holding up? How you doing?” ‘I’m ok’ would be the normal responce or ‘yeah I’m alright’ I would get on with my day as normal
I went home and almost every music channel was playing something in Chesters name, I tried, I really did, but I couldn’t listen to any of it, it was just too painful.
Days turned to weeks and it slowly got easier, I could now listen to some of Linkin Park songs without bursting into tears, but there was always that one song that got me, One More Light the instrumental break between the second chorus and last chorus always got me and to this very day it still does.
I still tell myself that it sounds pathetic, but to my partner and a handful of people, that got it, they got why I felt this way.
October come and Linkin Park did a show in honor of their front man, their friend, their brother, the longest show that they ever did, it was amazing, the outpour of support, from fans, from other bands and we watched together, we had “fun” watching, Mike even said it, “Chester would want us to have fun” there was tears and memories come flooding back and new memories were made.
There was even a moment when and instrumental of Numb came on and thw crowd erupted into song and sung with heart, passion and unity, together.
Maybe for some, it was what they, we, I needed.
Time passed further and for me it become easier to listen to the songs, although One More Light always has me with tears in my eyes, my partner never liked my singing voice, and I don’t blame her, but she loves it when I sing One More Light, the one I sing with raw emotion, but she likes it, still can’t figure out why though.
Mike Shinoda released Post Trumatic and one word, wow, I couldn’t even phathom the emotion that he was feeling, never mind trying to deal with my own feeling about things, I just wanted to give him a hug, I know it sounds corny but for me hugs always made things better some how.
A year has pass, well almost and I reflect on it sometimes and I remember the good times, the memories, the albums, the concerts, everything
All I want to say is thank you Chester, thank you for everything you gave us
The year has been hard, but he really did give us his all. His memory lives on in his music and we carry that with us.
Thank you for reading.