Things Could Be Worse


i only get four hours of sleep now
but at least i dont cry myself to sleep
at eight o clock,
either way i wake up with a headache.

i can’t wait for every week to be over,
it feels like im trying to breathe underwater
but my body won’t let me just drown,
i pray for death to take me
but use the ounce of effort i have to exist.

isolation is the best i can do,
i don’t delete my social media therefore
there is cause for no alarm,
i just open messages and don’t reply to them
giving everyone another reason
to think i’m an asshole,
it’s easier when no one likes you.

i devote my remaining emotions to loving you
because i do love you, even if it’s the most
suffering i’ve ever inflicted on myself,
because i’m selfish and i like to hurt
because it helps me to feel something.