When will it get better?


#1

Hey there. I am kind of struggling and therefore writing in this forum for the first time (I think). LP has been my favorite band for the past 15 years, I grew up with them and they helped me through some very dark times. Before Chester passed I was in a very bad place and I almost gave up on life. The day he passed was life changing for me. It was the day I decided that something had to change if I wanted to give life a chance. His death literally saved me.
Now, almost 1 and 1/2 years later I am still not able to get over his passing. I am constantly reminded that in order for me to live, he had to die. I am in a much better place today, I might even say that I enjoy my life at times. And it’s all because of him being gone…Does anyone unterstand what I mean? I would have rather lived on in my misery than having to deal with this loss. LP was a friend to me all these years, none of my ‚real’ friendships lasted that long.
Worst part is that there‘s no one to talk to because nobody I know understands my feelings. It just gets too much sometimes…


#2

Welcome to the forums! Glad you reached out to us!

I understand what you mean.It is not that in order for you to be ok he had to pass away. Don’t ever put that burden on yourself. Think of it as him saving you one more time, just like their music does. Sending you a whole bunch of strength. I follow a lot of psychology based websites and I think this one might help you :

One thing that stuck out to me in that article that relates to what you are saying is this:

"Tip #4: It’s not a zero-sum game

Hidden beneath survivor guilt is the idea that there’s only so much luck to go around and that benefiting from good fortune means that someone else is being deprived of it. But luck is random. The lottery is a perfect example of how arbitrary luck is: sometimes no one has the winning lottery number; sometimes multiple people share the prize. The chances of you specifically hitting it big aren’t increased or decreased by anyone else’s picks. "


#3

Hi Sophie, it is hard for me to write this in English, I´ll try:
Some years ago I was in a similar situation: I was depressive for many months and decided to start a therapy. But I had to wait for an appointment at the psychologist…
Then my grandfather died, he was not really old, we didn´t expect this. I stood at the open grave and the priest spoke words like this: he was a hard-working man, but he can´t take anything with him… Suddendly I felt it intensivly - it was like a flash: I can´t take ANYTHING with me, I just have THIS life, enjoy it! After this incident my depressions got much (!) better, they weren´t gone, but were not as bad as before. This confused me!! He had to die, I feel better?!
Later I talked about this at my psychologist. She said: The situation at the grave was emotional stress for me, and exactly this stress healed me. Not his passing healed me, but the emotions about it healed me. You know what I mean? Chester´s passing has nothing to do with you, but the grief helped you to realize what matters. And exactly this matters! I think it is very good that you talk about you feelings in this community, did you talk with a psychologist? If not, try this too. Make Chester proud :hearts:


#4

Hey,
thank you for your reply. I will definetly read that article!

This really helps a lot and I have never thought about Chester’s death in that way. I always try to not let my thoughts about it get too dark and be grateful for what LP has given me. It’s just sometimes hard, especially now with the holidays… I think grief is really unpredictable, the moment you think you’re feeling better…it strikes again!

Thanks again for this new insight!


#5

First of all, your English is great!

Thank you for your story, it’s really comforting knowing that other people experience similar situations and emotions. I’ve tried therapy a few times but not for the right reasons and it didn’t really work. Nowadays I just don’t have the energy to look for a new therapist although I know that I need therapy…
I like the idea that it is not the passing causing the healing but the emotional stress it created. I will try telling myself this the next time I feel bad about myself feeling good! Hopefully it will help, but logically it makes a lot of sense to me.
Thank you so much!


#6

Welcome on forum @sophie27 ! Nice to have you here! :blush: :sun_with_face:


#7

Thank you :slight_smile: